


Death or Surrender

by fullofstarlight



Category: Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: F/M, Force Bond (Star Wars), Near Death Experiences, Post-Star Wars: The Last Jedi, Protective Kylo Ren
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-02
Updated: 2019-03-18
Packaged: 2019-07-23 18:37:37
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 17
Words: 38,217
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16164572
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fullofstarlight/pseuds/fullofstarlight
Summary: The surface of Hoth is a death sentence. Cold and near death, Rey does the unthinkable. She drops her guard and calls out to Kylo Ren through their bond.[Post TLJ]





	1. I. She Falls

The small bit of reprieve could have never lasted even on a planet as remote as Hoth. Rey dodges a couple of Resistance soldiers running in her direction. Her fingers grip her helmet tightly. She’s new to this—not to flying itself, but flying an X-Wing is a different beast than piloting a speeder or a ship. _It will be okay_ , she tells herself. If she’s survived this long, she can survive another day.

 

Rey enters the hangar. She sifts through the chaos. Her gaze locks on Finn. Her feet slow to a stop. Finn’s feet shift as his gaze falls to the floor. A smile flickers across his lips but fades as quickly as it came. Nervousness shrouds him like a thick cloak.

 

“Hey,” he says, his hand rubbing the back of his head nervously.

 

“Hey,” Rey says.

 

“So, I guess you’re going out there, then?” he says.

 

“I have to,” Rey says.

 

“I know.”

 

There’s a pause between them. Finn manages to look up to her. His eyes meet hers. “You’ve been different _since…_ ”

 

He doesn’t need to finish for Rey to know what he’s referring to. _Since Crait._ The memory of what had transpired in Snoke’s throne room haunts her every single day. Rey’s eyes lower to her feet. She toes the floor as if that small movement can alleviate the conflicting feelings within her. She thought she could bring him to the light. _She thought wrong._

 

“Rey, I’m sorry,” Finn says. "I didn’t mean—"

 

“It’s okay.” Rey’s response is quick and dishonest. _Because she’s not okay._ She doesn’t know why, but Ben Solo—no, Kylo Ren—had hurt her in a way she’d never been hurt before. The way her sorrow cut so raw and deep—she’s not sure she’s ever felt something quite like it.

 

“Just…” Finn’s voice is a soft plea. “Please... _come back._ ”

 

“I’ll try.” Rey has decided at this point that she can no longer make promises that she knows she might not be able to keep. Her eyes raise to meet his. She can feel emotion bubbling within him. He wants her to promise him she'll return, but she won't. It wouldn't be fair to him if she couldn't hold to her promise.

 

“When you come back, I need to tell you something,” he says.

 

“ _If,”_ She reminds.

 

“ _When_ ,” he seems so confident in her survival.

 

Finn touches the top of her shoulder and gives it a squeeze. He walks past her. She can feel this strange energy resonating from him, but she can’t quite understand it. He cares about her a great deal—maybe more than anyone else has cared for her actually. Rey turns on her heel and watches as he leaves the hangar. She’ll survive because he needs her. Finn, her first friend in the galaxy, needs her to live. So, she must make it through whatever The First Order has prepared for the Resistance.

 

Rey places the helmet on her head and walks to her X-Wing. She climbs into the cockpit and stares down at the controls. A haze seems to come over her. _What if Ben is out there?_ Rey shivers at the very thought of it. She’s been fortunate enough that they’ve never crossed paths since she cut off their connection through the Force. Rey’s hand shakes as she presses the button to power up her X-Wing.

 

 _If_ he’s out there— _if they come head to head_ —could she pull the trigger? Rey remembers his unconscious body on the throne room floor. She couldn’t kill him then, and she’s not sure if she can kill him now. She leans back in her chair and forces him from her mind. _Focus_ , she reminds herself. But, try as she might, her mind is scattered like some unfinished puzzle.

 

“Black Leader on standby,” Poe’s voice comes through the radio. “Waiting on your command, General.”

 

“I'm ready when you are,” Leia’s voice comes through the radio.

 

Rey presses the button to close the top of her X-Wing. The glass lowers, cocooning her inside the small cockpit. She glances out the hangar door. It is the polar opposite of Jakku. The ground is covered in a thick blanket of snow. The planet is uninhabitable to most life forms. To be stranded outside the walls of Echo Base would be a death sentence and a horrible one at that. Even if one were to survive a crash landing, they’d still be marked for death if left for a day on this planet’s surface. Her muscles constrict. She will have to take extra caution.

 

“Black Squadron we’re ready for lift off!” Poe calls through the radio.

 

Rey presses a series of buttons. She leans back in her seat as the X-Wing moves forward on the runway. She grips her joystick tightly with her right hand and keeps her eyes forwards. _No mistakes_ , she reminds herself. On Hoth, mistakes equal death.

 

Rey accelerates her X-Wing forward. She pulls back on the joystick and lifts off the runway. The droid is calibrating her systems to adjust to light snowfall. Rey frowns. She’d feel safer if BB-8 were her wingman rather than this random droid they stuffed in the back of her X-Wing.

 

“All Wings report in!” Poe calls through the radio.

 

Rey hears several of her comrades confirming through the radio. She reaches down and presses against a button. “Black Five standing by.”

 

A swarm of TIE fighters bank left to confront them. Rey’s eyes skim through the sea of fighters in search for Kylo Ren’s custom TIE fighter. She releases a breath of relief into the air. _He’s not here._ Nor would he be. He is the Supreme Leader. He would likely be held up safely in The First Order’s flagship rather than be anywhere near Hoth’s surface. _Safe at base_ —just like his mother is safely guarded inside Echo Base’s heavily fortified walls. _Mother versus son._ Rey had hoped that the rest of the galaxy would be less cruel than Jakku had been. Sometimes it seems as if the rest of the galaxy is actually worse.

 

Rey steadies her X-Wing, trying to maintain balance in the snowfall. An array of laser beams launch from the oncoming swarm of TIE fighters. Rey tilts her joystick left, nearly dodging an oncoming laser beam. Rey fires back, hitting the wing of a TIE fighter clear off. The TIE fighter spirals to the ground and explodes upon impact against the surface.

 

The victory lifts her spirits and all of her worries retreat to the back of her mind. Rey banks her X-Wing right to dodge two oncoming TIE fighters. A fighter centers in her targeting system. Rey bites her lower lip and fires. It’s a direct hit. The TIE fighter explodes, its pieces falling to the surface of Hoth as if they’ve become part of the snowfall.

 

“Nice shot, Black Five!” Poe calls through the radio.

 

Rey smiles. Her confidence rises as she moves through the sky with ease. She _can_ do this. An explosion rocks her X-Wing. Rey tilts her joystick, briefly balancing her X-Wing. A chunk of what use to be an X-Wing falls against her port side wing. Rey lets out a yelp as the X-Wing spins out of control. She pulls the joystick, trying to force the X-Wing out of its tailspin. It spirals to the ground, the impact of the crash sending a sharp pain through her right shoulder and her left side.

 

Rey had expected death upon impact, but apparently, she’s still breathing. Her head is searing in pain and she can’t seem to move her right arm. She leans forward, feeling her entire body cry out to her in horrible pain. Rey reaches forward with her left hand to the commlink.

 

“Black Leader,” her words are weak as she calls to Poe through the radio. “Black Leader, can you hear me?"

 

The X-Wing's engine fails, shutting down all of her systems. Rey leans back against her seat. She can already feel the heat fading from the cockpit. She tries to move her right arm once more, but the pain is too much. Her head is so hazy. _It’s so cold._ She closes her eyes. Rey wonders how long the Force can keep her alive. It seems so hopeless to even try to prolong her life through the Force. It might be for the best to just let it all go. She could join Luke in the Force. _She could be at peace._

 

 _Finn_ —he had meant to tell her something. Rey’s eyes snap open. She cannot die like this. She clutches her arm and moves forward. A sharp feeling runs through her. She grits her teeth as she looks down at a piece of shrapnel lodged in her side. Rey lets her head fall back as tears come to her eyes. _Is this really it?_ Hoth of all places. _No_ , she does not wish to die here.

 

Rey falls back on her seat. Her communication systems are down. She’s too injured to leave her cockpit and fire a flare gun. She looks upward. The battle still rages on above her. She wonders if Poe even knows that she’s still alive. Rey’s accustomed to the heat of Jakku, but to be freezing cold is so much worse. Her entire body shivers as the cold air takes its hold. A part of her thinks it might be better to find her blaster and put herself out of her misery. To die a prolonged death of exposure to such a harsh climate seems like torture.

 

The thought of suicide dances in her head. She thinks a head shot would be the quickest way out. Then, she imagines Finn finding her remains in the cockpit, and she just knows that she cannot do it. It would be too much for him to take. But, Poe would be there for him and so would Rose. Rey tries to rationalize it in her mind— _tries to convince herself that suicide is her best option._ She can’t. Rey knows it would be too much. It’s deeper than just the feelings of her friends, but also that she means something to the Resistance. She is the last Jedi and their symbol of hope. Once the Resistance discovers her suicide, it will break their morale.

 

An irrational sort of anger stirs within her. If they didn’t have so much faith in her, she could _just_ kill herself. She wouldn’t have to be this cold. _Why do people have to care so damn much!_ Rey grits her teeth. She’s being irrational. She knows this. But, she’s just so cold and death isn’t coming fast enough. Rey looks up to the glass. It’s almost completely covered in snow now. She imagines her X-Wing will be buried under a thick layer of snow by the end of the battle. The Resistance will have a hard time finding her. At first, she tries to rationalize that they’ll never find her. So, she could just take herself out, couldn't she? But, _no_ , Leia would never stop her search until she found a body. _Damn her_ —damn her and her son!

 

Rey’s irrational near death blame game finally lands on Kylo Ren. This is all his fault! If he had just taken her side, _if he hadn’t wanted to sit on that throne too damn much_ , this battle would have never occurred in the first place. This is his fault for manipulating her through that bond of theirs. Her heart feels as if it has stopped at the thought. _No, no, no_ , she thinks to herself in half panic, _don’t even think it!_ But, she already has, and it’s the only way she won’t die a prolonged death. She’s both angry and conflicted all at the same time. She can either die a prolonged, miserable death in this cramped cockpit or she can surrender herself to Kylo Ren.

 

 _Death by hypothermia or become Kylo Ren’s hostage,_ those are her two choices. Rey screams and even manages to raise her foot enough to slam it against the console. She instantly regrets this, because the piece of shrapnel lodges itself deeper into her side. Rey cries out in both pain and sheer defeat. Tears are flowing freely down her cheeks. She’s just so, _so_ cold, and it just hurts so,  _so_ much!

 

“ _Ben…_ ” she whispers his true name as she reaches out with that last bit of energy she has.

 

Rey half expects him to ignore her plea, because surely he never cared for her to begin with. She was just a _tool_ to him— _a_ _way for him to get what he wanted._ Rey swallows the bile in her throat meekly. She realizes she's still holding him at bay. Rey tries to relax in the best way an injured, dying pilot possibly can. She drops her guard for the first time since Crait. She can see him before her in such vivid detail.

 

“ _Ben please…_ ” she can barely manage to speak at this point. “I don’t want to die like this. _Please help me._ ”

 

Her vision becomes hazy as her entire body starts to go numb. Maybe she’ll actually die before he finds her. Her eyes close and she drifts in and out of sleep. Sometimes she’ll wake up and just stare at the snow-covered glass. Time feels as if it has slowed to a crawl. _How long has it been?_ Minutes or hours? She doesn’t even know anymore. Rey thinks that he might be amused by her suffering. Maybe he’s still watching her from his side of their bond. Maybe he even finds this amusing.

 

Rey thinks she hears something— _voices, yes, it sounds like voices!_ She thinks that she’s probably just hallucinating, because she’s been so cold for so damn long that she’s out of touch with reality. Rey shuts her eyes. She’s adapted to her situation enough that it isn’t even that bad anymore. She’ll be gone soon and this will all be over. The thought of death actually makes her smile a bit. Her eyes snap open. She hears something. It sounds like a blowtorch. Her heart races, and she even allows herself to believe that Poe and Finn are waiting outside for her.

 

The window is pushed off to the side. Her eyes lock with Ben’s dark eyes for the first time in a long time. Ben removes her helmet from her face almost as if to make sure it’s actually her. He maneuvers her body enough to wrap her in a heated blanket. Rey’s eyes flutter shut for a brief moment when she feels the blanket touch the skin of her cheek. Never in her life had anything felt quite so good.

 

It doesn’t take much effort to lift her into his arms. She’s so _warm_ in his arms. Rey even relaxes enough so that her head can rest on his shoulder. She’s still in pain, but at least she doesn't feel so cold. She can feel hot air hit her exposed skin when he carries her into his shuttle. He sets her down on a small cot. She expects him to say something comforting, but he turns away from her almost instantly.

 

“She has a dislocated shoulder and a piece of shrapnel is lodged in her side,” he says to a figure dressed in white. “I imagine she has hypothermia as well.”

 

The doctor peels her blanket away, and Rey whimpers at the sudden loss of heat. The doctor's eyes study her from behind a pair of thick glasses.

 

“Can you save her?” Rey thinks that she hears a hint of worry in Ben's voice.

 

“I can’t guarantee anything, but I’ll do what I can,” the doctor answers.

 

Rey’s caught in a daze. She blinks a couple of times, trying desperately to keep her eyes open. She’s rationalized that if she keeps herself awake that she won’t die. Her eyelids feel so heavy. She thinks it wouldn’t hurt to shut her eyes for a few seconds. Rey closes her eyes. She’ll count to five and she’ll open them. _One, two..._

 


	2. II. She Wakes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for your lovely comments! I really, really appreciate hearing from you all!

It had pained him more than he thought to see her in so much pain. He had convinced himself that he no longer cared for her—that he no longer _wanted_ her. But, when he watched her so helpless and so close to death, everything he felt for her had come back to him as if an emotional floodgate had dropped within him. It’s hard to still resent her for rejecting his offer in the throne room—not when he came so close to losing her. Now she is _here_ , and he thinks that perhaps he might be able to fix whatever it was that went wrong between them. So, he waits till she wakes. Her coma will pass, and _then_ , they will pick up where they left off.

 

Ben rests his hand on a holoprojector set in the center of a large roundtable. He has been informed that his mother will be contacting him. Ben’s muscles constrict. It has been a long time since he’s last spoke to his mother. She never made an attempt to contact him since he became Supreme Leader. _So_ , this must be about Rey. The sharp edge of envy cuts through him. It would seem that his mother has replaced him.

 

A blue light blinks on the holoprojector. _Right on time as always._ His mother had always been punctual. He presses the button to accept the transmission. A beat of silence passes between both of them. A part of him still cannot believe it really is her.  _So many years have gone by now._ His mother’s lips press into a thin line as her eyes narrow to a look of disapproval he’s  _so_ _very_ familiar with.

 

“Where is she?” she snaps, her words both sharp and abrupt.

 

Ben already knows who she speaks of, but still, he says, “ _She?_ You’re going to have to be more specific than that.”

 

“Don’t play dumb with me, Ben!” she retorts. “You know exactly who I speak of!”

 

“ _Rey?_ ” Ben continues his charade. “You are assuming I have her?”

 

“My men have located her X-Wing, but not a body. She’s not dead. _I would have felt it,_ ” his mother argues. “We’ve gathered that she was injured upon impact with Hoth’s surface. I’m not stupid, Ben. She wouldn’t have survived even a night if someone didn’t come to her aid. _I know you have her._ ”

 

“So, what if I do? What do you plan to do about it?” Ben mocks.

 

His mother’s lips purse together as anger flashes in her eyes. She doesn’t speak right away, but when she does, her voice is calm and collected despite her frustration. “I want to negotiate a prisoner exchange—Rey for anyone you want.”

 

"And, what do you have to offer? A few worthless grunts and incompetent officers you've managed to capture?" Ben says. “There's nothing you can offer, _General_. Rey stays with me.”

 

“ _Ben_ ,” her voice is low with warning. “You will bring Rey back to the Resistance _or—_ “

 

“ _Or what?_ ” Anger rises in his chest. He glares down at the hologram. He should have expected that this would resemble their old family squabbles rather than a military negotiation. He eases his anger and speaks slowly. “ _Tell me._ What do you plan to do?”

 

“Ben— _damnit_ —if you hurt her…!”

 

Ben presses against the button to end the transmission, the hologram of his mother disappearing instantly. Ben sets his palms on the surface of the round table and leans into his hands. He lets out an exasperated breath. He imagines that his mother is already arranging a rescue mission with _the traitor_ and a few of her most trusted officers. Their efforts are useless. Within hours, the Finalizer will be in hyperspace, and Rey will be out of their reach.

 

 _Rey._ Her condition has improved. Ben remembers her body floating in the Bacta tank. He recalls the exact moment she almost slipped away from him. It had taken so much of his energy to keep her alive, but he had managed to keep her from the brink of death. _Now, he waits_. Her coma will pass. He has no doubt of it, but he is impatient. He wants her so much, and now, he’s closer to having her than he’s ever been.

 

Ben rises to his full height. She may be in a deep coma, but he will see her today just as he has seen her each day since he pulled her from the cockpit of her X-Wing. He turns away from the roundtable and promptly exits the room.

 

Ben knows the path to the infirmary like the back of his hand. He never had cause or reason to visit before, but in the last seven days, he’s visited the infirmary regularly. Ben makes a right and walks down a long hallway until he reaches a door at the very end of the hall. He keys in a passcode and waits for the durasteel doors to part open. He moves through the infirmary to the last door on the right.

 

Ben keys in an access code to open the door. He can hear the lock disengage before the door opens for him. Ben steps into the small room and waits for the door to close behind him before he goes to her. He sits on a metal stool placed in front of her bed. _She looks so helpless._ Ben takes her left hand in both of his. He’s been patient, but now he’s wrought with worry. How much longer will she remain in this state? He can hardly bear to look at her like this.

 

 _“I’ll destroy her!”_ he had said, but even in that moment of anger, he had never truly meant it. He looks down to her bruised and broken body draped in a white gown. He caresses her forehead with one hand and interlaces his fingers in hers with the other. He brings the back of her hand against his cheek, savoring her warmth. He can feel her energy in the Force. It’s stronger today. He lends her some of his energy, combining his power with hers in a rich blend of darkness and light.

 

A sharp but shallow breath escapes her. Her eyes flicker open, blinking twice before they focus. He withdraws his hand from her forehead but keeps his fingers interlaced with hers. Her head tilts towards him, and when their eyes meet, he can see all of her fear come to life in an instant.

 

Rey yanks her hand away from his and sits up in a quick motion. Her breath comes out in heavy, frantic pants. She wraps her arms around herself and casts her eyes off to the side to avoid making eye contact with him. The rejection strings. He could cave to his anger, but he resists. Rey is in an extremely fragile state, and to start with insults and threats would sever any chance of reconciliation.

 

The quiet tension between them feels as if it has lasted an eternity. He peers into their bond expecting to be hit with emotional chaos, but she’s just _numb_. It’s almost as if she doesn’t feel anything at all. Ben rises to his feet and looks down on her. Her eyes flicker up to his for only a split second before her gaze seems to fall away from him.

 

“How much do you remember?” Ben decides to start with a more neutral question.

 

“ _Of the crash?_ All of it,” she says. “You came and got me. I don’t remember much after that. How long have I been asleep for?”

 

“Seven standard days.”

 

Rey releases a heavy breath. The numbness is fading bit by bit as she becomes more aware of her new surroundings. “You’re not going to let me go, are you?”

 

Ben thinks of several ways he can explain her situation, but settles with simple blunt honestly. “No.”

 

Another deep breath escapes her. She tries to blink back the tears that form in her eyes, but one single tear manages to escape her. Ben reaches out and wipes it from her cheek with his gloved hand. She flinches slightly under his touch, but she doesn’t pull away. He strokes her cheek with his thumb in an attempt to comfort her.

 

“The Resistance will come for me,” she says.

 

Ben bites back his anger, because she’s far too fragile. He withdrawals his hand from her cheek and looks down on her. His voice is calmer than he had expected when he answers her. “They can try.”

 

There’s an uneasy wall of tension between them. At any moment, this can dissolve into a fit of shared anger. He grits his teeth, holding back sharp and petty words. She’s still feeding off of his energy and to lose control would send her back into a coma.

 

“I don’t understand.” Her voice is quiet with a faint quiver. “Why did you come for me?”

 

Tears are flowing freely from her eyes now. The answer to her question is buried deep within his mind. _What would she say if he told her?_

 

“Because, you asked me to.” It’s the best response that comes to his mind.

 

Rey doesn’t seem convinced, but thankfully, she doesn’t push the issue further. Rey looks up at him with bloodshot eyes full of tears. “So, I’m your hostage now?”

 

His anger rises, but he refrains from raising his voice. “You made that choice when you surrendered.”

 

“ _Choice?_ Really Ben?” she snaps. “I didn’t surrender—”

 

“You never believed I’d just turn you back over to my mother, did you?” he retorts. “Rey, I know you’re smarter than that. You surrendered to me, and you knew the consequences when you made that choice. You should be thanking me. You were on the brink of death. The Resistance never would have found you in time. _Without me, you would be dead._ ”

 

“I never would have crashed in the first place if _you_ —”

 

Rey dissolves into a coughing fit. Her energy is fading and he can feel her slipping from him. She nearly falls to her side, but he catches her before she hits the mattress beneath her. _No, no, no,_ he’s not going to let her fall back into a coma. He fears that this time she may never wake up. Just holding her in his arms stills his anger.

 

“Why do you even care?” Rey’s voice is weak and almost breathless.

 

Ben doesn’t answer her question—not because he doesn’t know the answer, but because he’s not sure if she’s ready to hear it. He refocuses his energy, sending her his strength through the Force. She seems to have found a degree of stability. He parts away from her, but keeps his hands on both sides of her shoulders to steady her.

 

“You’re still weak,” he reminds her. “You need to rest not argue.”

 

“I wasn’t arguing!” Rey snaps. “I was—”

 

He places his index finger on her lips to silence her. “You're borrowing my energy to live, Rey. It would be best for both of us if you focus on your recovery rather than exchanging insults with me.”

 

Ben removes his finger from her lips. Her anger seems to have simmered _._ _For now._ He’s had enough experience watching his parents' arguments to know that this will be revisited in the future. He steps back and pivots away from her. He will give her space.

 

“You're leaving…?” Rey’s voice cracks when she speaks.

 

Ben turns back to her. The guards she placed around their bond have crumbled to ash. In her eyes, he can see everything. In her heart, he can feel everything. He can see how the walls close in on her, and how this small room makes her feel so trapped. In her mind, the room seems to mirror her memories of the cramped X-Wing cockpit. She’s so delicate and vulnerable in this very moment that she cannot hide how much she needs him.

 

“ _Please_...don’t leave me alone in here,” she pleads.

 

Ben steps towards her. He sits at the end of the bed. It seems as if time no longer exists. Nothing transpires but the thick tension between them. All of her worst memories of her childhood blend with the crash on Hoth. She breaks, and when she does, _she shatters._ Tears stream down her face as she dissolves into a fit of sobs. She leans into his chest and cries. One of his hands cradles the back of her head and the other wraps around her waist. He draws her close to him. In time, she will see how right they are for each other, but first, she must heal.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really, really like how the dialogue between Ben and Leia came out in this. Also, Ben is so soft! :D
> 
> If you enjoyed this chapter, leave a comment! I'd love to hear your thoughts!


	3. III. His Offer

There was a part of her that had hoped that Finn and Rose would burst into the infirmary and whisk her away from the Finalizer. Rey had even believed that this would come to be. That was until she felt the familiar tug that could only mean that the ship had entered hyperspace. A rescue mission at this point seems so impossible—at least not until another opportunity arises for the Resistance.

 

Rey stares up at the ceiling of her cramped room. Ben had been gracious enough to leave a protocol droid inside the room so that she wouldn’t truly be alone. It’s surreal how much this situation has affected her. She remembers the cramped escape pod she had used to surrender to him before he had killed Snoke. The memory hadn’t hurt her before, but now the thought of being locked inside such a small space gives her chills. Even this room feels too tight of a space for her.

 

 _So, what now?_ It’s going to take the Resistance time to come to her aid, and at this time, she hasn’t come up with a realistic escape plan. There may be new developments in her situation in time, but for now, she will have to adjust to her life as a prisoner of war. There are two ways she can tackle this. She can resist him at every turn or she can be compliant in her surrender. Rey hasn’t decided what she wants to do yet. The rational part of her is telling her that this will be easier if she cooperates, but the stubborn part of her wants to resist till the bitter end.

 

Rey sits up and crosses her legs. The protocol droid’s head tilts in her direction. “Are you in need of assistance?”

 

“No,” she replies.

 

Rey releases a deep breath. The droid merely stands next to the door, but its presence is comforting in a sense. She tries to imagine if she were locked inside the room with nothing but her thoughts. The thought is oddly terrifying. It’s so _small_ and she’d be so _alone_. Rey places her hands on her knees and closes her eyes in an attempt to meditate. She tries to pick through and organize the chaos in her mind, but she just can’t seem to find focus. Rey lets out a defeated sigh and opens her eyes. If she had hoped to find peace in the Force, she was mistaken.

 

The lock against the door clicks. Rey can already feel his presence on the other side of the door. She straightens her posture in an attempt to appear calm. The doors open, revealing exactly who she expected it to be. Ben steps forward, carrying folded black clothing in his hands. He sets the stack of clothing on a nearby counter next to a silver tray of medical utensils.

 

“Can I be of assistance, sir?” the protocol droid says.

 

“No,” he says abruptly. “Leave us.”

 

“As you wish, sir.”

 

The protocol droid shuffles out of the room and closes the door behind itself. Rey can feel that familiar tension rise between them. She watches him, studying each of his movements carefully. Ben takes the silver tray in one hand and walks toward the bed. He sits beside her and sets the tray between them. Rey looks down to see a clean bandage, sterilizing liquid, a small circular container, and gauze.

 

Rey’s voice shakes when she speaks. “Shouldn’t a doctor tend to me?”

 

Ben removes his leather gloves and sets them aside, completely ignoring her question. It’s as if every single nerve in her body has been set ablaze. Panic stirs within her when his intentions dawn upon her. She clutches the ends of her gown. To change the bandage on her side would mean that she would be exposed to him in a way she’s never been exposed to another man.

 

He seems to pick up on her sudden jolt of anxious fear. “My intentions are honest, Rey. There are other patients in more critical states. The medical staff will not appreciate being disturbed for such a trivial task. Please just try to trust me.”

 

Rey can sense his hesitation. He won’t do this unless she allows him to. She swallows the nervous lump that seems to have formed in her throat. A shallow breath escapes her and she whispers “ _okay fine_ ” in an uneven whisper. She can feel his warm fingers brush against her thigh when he takes the hem of her grown between his fingers. The touch of his skin against hers sends a shiver through her. Rey shuts her eyes and releases a sharp breath. When she opens her eyes, she keeps them forward, desperately trying to avoid eye contact with him.

 

Ben lifts her gown above her waist. She can practically feel his eyes on her. His fingers touch her side, pulling against the Bacta patch attached to her left side. Rey sucks in a sharp breath as a stinging pain runs through her side. Her eyes catch the bandage and she cringes at the sight of the dried blood and puss that stain the Bacta patch that now lies on the metal tray.

 

“Hold your gown for me,” he instructs.

 

Rey holds the gown above her waist. A piercing, stinging sensation surges through her when the wet gauze touches her flesh. Rey hisses through her teeth and bites back a whimper. She can’t look weak— _not in front of him._ The stinging pain starts to burn as he cleans the wound. Rey bites her lower lip, refusing to make even the faintest sound of discomfort. The wound still stings when he withdraws the gauze from her skin, but her wound also feels so _clean_ in a strange sort of way. He places a fresh Bacta patch against her skin. The cool sensation radiating from the patch soothes her stinging skin.

 

She pulls the ends of her gown down her waist the moment he withdraws his hands from her. A burning sensation stirs within her chest. She manages to glance at him over her shoulder. Something catches in her throat, and for a split second, she can barely manage to breathe.

 

“Let me see your shoulder,” he orders.

 

Rey shifts so that her back is facing towards him. His hand slides the gown off her right shoulder. Rey breathes deeply when she feels his hand against her exposed flesh. His fingers run over her skin, sending another shiver through her. He withdraws his fingers. Rey can hear him fumbling with something on the metal tray. When his fingers touch her skin, a cool sensation runs through her skin similar to what she felt from the patch against her side. His strong fingers knead against her skin. Rey’s eyes flutter shut as a soft sigh escapes her. _It feels so nice._

 

He doesn’t immediately withdraw his fingers after applying the cream to her skin and continues to apply pressure against her shoulders in small soothing circles, relaxing the muscles underneath her. Something between a sigh and a whimper leaves her lips.

 

“See, I can be nice,” he says before he withdrawals his fingers from her. “You just have to trust me.”

 

It surprises her how much she misses the contact of his fingers against her strained muscles. Rey wraps her arms around herself as if to shield her heart from him. She inches her gaze over her left shoulder, feeling each and every movement she makes more than she usually would. An energy resonates from him. It’s so familiar to her. She’s felt similar raw, untamed passion from someone else, but she can’t seem to remember who. It hadn't been like this though. _No_ , it wasn't quite as strong.

 

Rey keeps her eyes low, trying to resist the sudden urge to look into his eyes. She’s afraid of what she might see if her eyes meet with his. The bed shifts when he rises to his feet. The air around her seems to lighten a bit when he walks away from her. He takes the set of clothes from the counter in his hands and turns back to her. He walks to her and lays the clothes in her lap.

 

“The doctor has cleared you,” he says. “I need you to change so I can escort you to another room.”

 

“You mean a prison cell,” Rey snaps.

 

“That was never my intention,” he says. “Don’t make such bold assumptions, Rey.”

 

Rey looks down at the folded stack of clothes in her lap. Her eyes snap up to Ben’s. “You want me to change right now?”

 

“Yes,” he answers simply.

 

Ben turns his back to her to give her privacy. Rey feels each and every movement she makes ten times more than she would under normal circumstances. Rey sets the stack of clothes to her side and places her feet on the cold, tiled floor. She pauses for a moment, her eyes looking to him for a prolonged second to be sure that he’s still facing his back to her. Rey flinches when she stands. Her leg muscles are still sore from the crash. Her throat feels so tight and she can barely manage to breathe. Her fingers linger at the hem of her gown. Rey wets her lips nervously and keeps her eyes on him. She lifts the gown over her head and removes her undergarments as quickly as she can manage. Rey drops the clothes to the floor carelessly and turns back to the bed. She changes into a pair of what appear to be standard black uniform pants, a black undershirt, and black undergarments as fast as she can muster. Rey turns back towards Ben, seeing that his back is still to her.

 

“I’m finished.” Rey’s voice lilts with a new sense of vulnerability.

 

Ben turns backs to her. She had meant to avoid his gaze, but her eyes find his regardless. She takes a few tentative steps towards him. She flinches when his hand touches her back to steer her towards the door. He enters an access code to open the door and drops his hand from her back before the door opens. _Of course, he would._ He wouldn’t want any of his subordinates to watch him get too friendly with a Resistance soldier—which leads her to the very question of why he’s being _friendly_ in the first place.

 

Rey thinks on that as she walks barefooted by his side. All eyes are on her now, studying her with contempt and curiosity. Those with weaker minds transmit their thoughts to her. Most thoughts are hostile, others are uncaring. One healer’s thoughts are actually very strange: _What does he see in her anyway?_ Rey swears she senses a tinge of jealousy in this woman’s thoughts. The voices in her head seem to fade once she leaves the infirmary. The crash seems to have made her more receptive to others hearts and minds. She will need to work on building her mental guards back up.

 

Ben escorts her down a series of halls. Rey tries her best to take in as much as she can. At some point, an escape opportunity may arise, and she wants to be ready for it when it does. Ben stops before a door and enters an access code. The durasteel door slides open, revealing a rather spacious room. He places his hand on her back again and steers her inside.

 

The room is well furnished to her surprise. Rey thinks that the room was probably made for a high ranking officer rather than a hostage. It hardly resembles a prison cell, but even a cage made of the finest materials is still a cage. Rey takes a small step backward. He might have been gentler with her than he’s ever been, but it is only because he holds all the power now. He knows that she’s already aware of how futile her situation is and that she can’t fight against him. The word _futile_ sticks in her mind longer than she’s comfortable with. It almost sounds as if she’s truly given up.

 

The entire situation is like a vivid dream that doesn’t exactly make any sense. He doesn’t have to be _nice_. He can just as easily be cruel and likely never face any consequences. It makes her wonder what his motives truly are. Why had he come for her at all? The Resistance doesn’t hold any prisoners that are of much value to The First Order. It would have been just as much of a tactical advantage to let her die as it would be to take her hostage.

 

“Why did you come for me?” Rey had asked him this before, but she’s asking again.

 

“I already told you,” he says. “Because, you asked me to.”

 

“But, _why?_ ” Rey asks. “I don’t understand. You could have let me die. It might have been better if you did from a tactical standpoint.”

 

The air is thick between them. He takes a step towards her. Rey peers up at him, thinking that she’ll see anger. She sees _something else_ , but she’s not quite sure what it is.

 

“I want you to join me, Rey.” Ben reaches out to touch the side of her arm, fingers curling around it gently. “You and I could do great things together.”

 

Rey pulls away from him and shakes her head. “You already know my answer to this, Ben. We’ve already been through this, or have you already forgotten?”

 

“I haven’t forgotten,” he says.

 

“Then, why are we having this conversation?” she asks.

 

“Because, I know one day you’ll see things differently,” he answers.

 

Rey could almost laugh. She probably would if her situation was any different than being reduced to a First Order hostage. Even so, her tone comes out more sarcastic than serious. “You sound very confident about that.”

 

“You’ll see things differently in time,” he says.

 

“I find that doubtful,” she retorts.

 

“ _We’ll see._ ”

 

The room becomes uncomfortably silent. The only sound is the light humming whir of air being pushed out of the vents. She can see a glint of anger in his eyes. Rey matches that with her own anger. She straightens her posture as her eyes lock with his. She might be his prisoner, but she’s not going to allow him to intimidate her.

 

Ben abruptly changes the subject. “There’s a communication panel near the door if you need anything.”

 

It’s almost as if he has to tear his eyes away from her when he turns to leave. He keys in an access code, and when the door opens, his hand lingers on the door frame. He looks back to her over his shoulder before he turns away and leaves her. When the doors close, it’s as if all the emotions she’s been holding back hit her at once. She wraps her arms around herself and releases a staggered breath. _This is it._ This is her life now. Rey tilts her head back as if it will stop her tears from falling. Two stray tears slip past her despite her efforts. Her mind is so scattered and lost. She’s not sure where she’s supposed to go from here.

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I may or may not have wrote and edited this chapter to the soundtrack of A Star is Born (everyone go see it!). 
> 
> I want to thank all of you for your comments, subscriptions, kudos, and bookmarks! I am glad to see that a lot of you are enjoying this story. Please leave a comment. I love hearing from all of you. :)


	4. IV. The Diversion

“ _Why is she here?_ ”

 

Ben keeps his back turned to Hux, preferring to look out to the sea of stars in the void of space rather than Hux’s insufferable face.

 

“She’s a valuable hostage,” he answers.

 

“ _Hostage?_ Funny that you use that word when you seem to treat her as if she is one of our own!” Hux snaps. “She killed the Supreme Leader! _Or have you forgotten!_ ”

 

A smile curves on his lips briefly, but disappears just as quick. The truth of Snoke’s death lingers in the back of his mind. Rey hadn’t even laid a single blow to that disgusting creature, but Hux seems so certain that she is wholly responsible for Snoke’s death. Ben shifts his weight on his right leg and looks to Hux from over his shoulder. His eyes narrow to show his disapproval.

 

“I haven’t forgotten,” his voice is as cold as the surface of Hoth.

 

“Then, why keep her alive?”

 

“She’s more useful to me alive than dead,” he replies.

 

Ben turns his gaze back out to the void of space. In the void of space and the sea of stars before him, he can see _his world_ —a world where Rey is by his side. Nothing could truly be greater than that very vision. Rey is stubborn and willful. She’s full of reluctance, because of the ideas the Resistance and his insufferable uncle have put in her head. He can break those ideas down. It will take time, but he can make her see his vision.

 

“What do you plan to do with her?” Hux’s nasally voice breaks his train of thought. “At least give some _tactical_ explanation for this madness!’

 

“I have ideas.” Ben intentionally keeps his answer vague. “Now leave. I’m already bored of this conversation.”

 

Silence hangs in the room for five solid seconds. He can hear the resentment in Hux’s voice when he says, “As you wish, Supreme Leader.”

 

Ben remains completely still as he waits for Hux to leave. When he hears the door hiss shut, he feels a sense of relief come over him. He truly hates that man, but Hux hasn’t outlived his usefulness. Yet, a part of him thinks that he might just be better off replacing Hux. The man might be decent enough with strategy, but it’s clear that Hux’s loyalties are still tied to Snoke. It would be so easy just to kill him _._ Ben lets that thought stick in his mind for a moment. It might come to that when Rey finally turns.

 

 _Rey._ He hasn’t seen her yet today. Ben turns away from the window. He supposes that now would be as good a time as ever to see her. He exits the briefing room and moves through a series of corridors until he reaches Rey’s room. He enters the access code to her room. The door slides open. Rey is sitting with her legs crossed on her bed. Her eyes flicker up from a datapad and meet his. Ben steps inside the room and waits for the door to close behind him before he speaks.

 

“How are you feeling?”

 

Rey sets the datapad to her side. Ben can sense tension and apprehension radiating from her in thick waves. “There’s still pain.”

 

“You have painkillers,” he reminds. “The droid brought the medical supplies, didn’t it?”

 

“I didn’t think it brought medication,” she says. “Just medical supplies.”

 

Speaking of medical supplies, she needs her bandages changed. “Where did the droid leave the medical supplies?”

 

“I asked the droid to leave them in the refresher,” Rey replies.

 

The door to the refresher is still open with lights illuminating inside. He takes the silver tray from the counter and turns to leave the small room. Ben moves to where Rey sits on the bed. She’s now sitting up tall with her legs hanging over the side of the bed. Ben sits next to her and sets the tray between them. Rey’s hands grip the edge of her mattress as a deep breath escapes her. He can sense the tension that seems to pour off of her in soft pulses.

 

Rey’s fingers linger at the hem of her shirt. She’s hesitant, but she lifts her shirt above her waist to expose her bandage to him. Ben removes his gloves and sets them aside. He applies sanitizer to a piece of gauze and runs it over his hands before he begins. He feels a rush of energy when his fingertips touch her warm flesh. Rey flinches under his touch but doesn’t pull away from him.

 

Ben peels away at the Bacta Patch, removing it as quickly and efficiently as he possibly can. He sets the patch on the tray and wets another strip of gauze. He studies the wound. The greenish puss seems to have cleared, but she still has a way to go before her stitches can be removed. Ben presses the gauze to her skin, moving it in slow circles. He can feel her go tense underneath his touch, but he continues to clean the wound regardless.

 

Ben removes the gauze from her skin and sets it next to the old Bacta patch. He takes the fresh patch in both hands and lines it up with her wound before sticking it against her skin. Rey instantly pulls her shirt down the moment he withdrawals his hands.

 

An uncomfortable silence falls on them. Rey shifts on her bed so that her back is angled towards him as if to shut him out. He reaches out to her, resting his hand on her left shoulder. She jumps slightly at the contact and tenses underneath his touch. If she could just drop her emotional walls— _if she would just let him in_ —things could be so perfect between them. Rey might not recognize it, but he knows she feels _something_ for him. She’s just _afraid_ , because she’s too attached to the ideas that the Resistance has put in her head.

 

“ _Rey_.” He can almost taste her name on his lips when he says it.

 

“ _What?_ ” she says in a snappy whisper.

 

Rey’s anger burns within her, and yet, she contains it within herself. It’s like he’s walking on thin ice. Any word he says might create cracks in their already broken relationship. Ben withdraws his hand from her shoulder and waits for her to speak.

 

“What do you expect for me to do here?” she asks. “I don’t want to be a part of _this._ Maybe it would be easier for both of us if you treated me more like a prisoner.”

 

“I don’t want to treat you like a prisoner,” he says.

 

“Well, I am!” she raises her voice. “So— _maybe_ —you should start!”

 

Rey’s words strike a chord within him. Ben tries to fight his anger. He tries to smother the raging fire that stirs within him, but she’s just so _ungrateful._  “I didn’t have to save you!”

 

“No, you didn’t!’ she rises from where she sits and glares down at him. “You didn’t have to do half the shit you’ve done! You didn’t have to take me prisoner on Takodana! You didn’t have to kill—”

 

Rey can’t even bring herself to finish her sentence. Ben rises to his feet and steps towards her until mere inches separate them. “Go on. _Say it._ ”

 

Tears are running down her cheeks. “You didn’t have to kill Han! Why did you do it? Why did you put your mother through that? _Why?_ ”

 

“You wouldn’t understand,” he says.

 

Rey scoffs. “ _You’re right._ I don’t understand half the shit that goes through your fucked up head!”

 

Rey steps back from him. She wraps one arm around her waist and wipes her tears away with her free hand. She drops her hand to her shoulder and curls her fingers around it. It’s almost as if her arm is guarding her heart against him.

 

“You made me believe you cared,” she whispers.

 

Ben’s anger simmers at those very words. _She wants him to care._ He draws in a heavy breath and releases it into the air. He looks to her and says, “I do care.”

 

“You have a really odd way of showing it.” He can hear all of the bitterness in her voice. She drops her arm to her side and clutches her forearm with her other hand. She raises her eyes to the ceiling in a failed attempt to stop her tears from rolling down her cheeks.

 

Ben steps forward. He raises his hand to wipe her tears, stopping just before his flesh touches hers. Rey doesn’t back away or even so much as flinch. She just looks up to him as if she’s daring him to touch her. He touches her cheek, hearing a sharp sigh escape from her lips when he does. He brushes a freshly formed tear away from her cheek with his thumb. Rey shivers underneath his touch, but she doesn’t push him away.

 

“Why are you doing this?” Rey’s voice breaks as more hot tears run down her cheeks. “I don’t understand.”

 

“One day, you will.”

 

It’s odd to him how completely blind she is to how he feels for her. Rey doesn’t even have the slightest inkling to what he truly feels. He caresses her cheek with his thumb. She’s grown up so isolated from others, so cut off from shared emotion, that she hardly knows what love even feels like. It’s tragic really. Her negligent parents stole her entire life from her. She never had a chance to have that first love or even have friends she could confide in—not since she joined the Resistance, and it’s why she clings to the Resistance’s ideals with such stubbornness. Her allies in the Resistance are the only companionship she truly knows.

 

Ben can see it all in her mind. Those companions and allies that she calls friends—she fears that she’ll never see them again. So, she resents him despite that he is the reason she’s still alive. Several faces sift through her mind—his mother, _the traitor_ , the Resistance pilot, and the face of a girl he’s never seen before. She’s grown far too attached to each of them to easily let them go. It would make her so happy if he were to organize a prisoner exchange, but then, he would never see her again. Rey would once again be his enemy, and he’s not going to allow that to happen.

 

 _The Resistance is falling._ Rey doesn’t know it, because she’s from the inside looking out. She only sees what the Resistance wants her to see. The galaxy flourishes underneath his rule and will continue to prosper as he consolidates more power. The Resistance will never show her this, because they themselves don’t even want to believe the truth.

 

Ben lowers his hand to her shoulder, gently caressing it through the material of her shirt. He can sense her confusion. He can even see all of the conflicted thoughts that slip through her mind. Her gaze drops to the floor, and he can feel the defeated emotions that resonate from within her.

 

“I wish you wouldn’t be like _this_ ,” Rey emphasizes the last word. “I wish you would have let me die. I’m not sure what I was thinking when I asked for your help, but I regret that I did. It would have been easier to just die.”

 

His hand trails down her arm until he reaches her forearm. He curls his fingers around her wrist gently. “I saved you, because I care about you.”

 

“ _Stop,_ please!” Rey is fighting back the tears in her eyes, but they fall in spite of her efforts. “Stop pretending like you _care_!”

 

Rey yanks her arm from his grasp and steps away from him. She looks up to him with reddened eyes. She wipes the tears from her cheeks. They stand like this for what feels like an eternity. Ben bites his lower lip. His nails dig into his palms. _She’s too damn stubborn._

 

“If you cared—” Rey nearly chokes on her own words. “ _If you cared_ , you would have abandoned the First Order and left with me. _You made me believe you_ —”

 

Rey’s voice seems to die before she can finish her sentence. He can see it in her eyes—the realization she’s having. Rey shakes her head as if to tell herself not to even think it. She crosses her arms over her heart. She’s trembling. Her eyes fall to the floor. It’s almost as if her entire world is crumbling before her, and all she can do is stand there as her life self-destructs. He’s felt that way before. He remembers it as if it were yesterday. The hum of his uncle’s lightsaber, the way he held it so high above him—he’d never felt more lonely than he did in that very moment.

 

A sharp buzzing sound cuts through the room. Ben hesitates for a mere second, keeping his eyes locked with Rey’s. He reaches for the commlink attached to his belt. He removes it and clicks the button to answer it.

 

“ _Supreme Leader!”_  the voice is unfamiliar—possibly a bridge officer. “ _We’ve been intercepted by the Resistance!”_

 

Ben clicks the commlink off and looks to Rey. The way she looks up to him with defiance in her eyes shows him exactly where she stands. She would rather this ship turn to space debris with her inside it so long as the Resistance wins. He turns away from her, taking three steps forward before he stops. _He should take her with him._ Ben turns back to her and takes her wrist in his hands. He guides her toward the door and exits the room, his fingers still wrapped tightly around her.

 

“Where are you taking me?” she demands.

 

Ben doesn’t answer her. There’s a flicker of a vision he always sees in the Force. He sees it now more clearly than ever. One day, she will stand by his side. So, she must stand by his side even now. He leads her to an elevator and slams his hand down on the button to signal it to their level. The elevator opens almost instantaneously. Ben guides Rey inside the elevator with him and hits the button to send the elevator up to the bridge.

 

The ride is quiet. Ben can feel the tension weigh on his chest. Rey does this glance every now and again. It’s as if she’s trying to read him and discover his intentions. Ben isn’t even sure why he’s taking her to the bridge himself. He just has this lingering suspicion that he should.

 

The elevator opens to the bridge. Ben grips her forearm and leads her out into the center of the room. Hux sneers at Rey as he walks towards them.

 

“I’m not sure how they tracked us through lightspeed,” he says.

 

“They don’t have the technology available to them to have tracked us,” Ben says. “This means _someone_ onboard gave them our coordinates. Is it General Organa’s fleet?”

 

“No. Although, I suspect they are acting under her orders.” Hux side eyes Rey. “ _What is she doing here?_ ”

 

“I was with her at the time of the attack,” he says.

 

“So, you decided to bring her out to the bridge?” Hux doesn’t even try to disguise his fury. “Do you know how this makes you look?”

 

“I don’t care how it makes me look,” Ben replies dismissively.

 

Ben cast his eyes out to the ongoing battle. He steps away from Rey and looks out to the Resistance ships firing upon his fleet. There aren’t enough ships to do any real damage. This leads him to believe their intentions are a mere diversion, but _why?_

 

“Focus all fire on their command ship!” Ben commands.

 

It doesn’t take long for the ship to burst into flames and become nothing more than space debris. He can feel Rey’s anger resonate from her as she watches the command ship fall to pieces. The remainder of the Resistance Fleet jumps to lightspeed, leaving them alone in the void of space.

 

His commlink buzzes. Ben clicks the link to answer it. “Supreme Leader, we have captured three Resistance soldiers we’ve found onboard.”

 

The Resistance diversion was apparently a botched rescue mission. FN-2187 is the first Resistance soldier that comes to mind. Ben doesn’t even try to disguise the anger in his voice when he speaks through the commlink. “Are any of them _the traitor_?”

 

There’s a beat of silence. Ben can hear the officer ask the soldiers questions through the commlink.

 

“No, sir,” the officer finally answers.

 

Ben can feel Rey’s relief through their bond. A part of him is also relieved. To hold FN-2187 as a hostage would only complicate their already fractured relationship. His mother must have organized a team of soldiers with no personal relationship with Rey to maintain a more tactical approach. To send people close to her would bring a level of emotion that might cloud their judgment.

 

Ben turns back to Rey and takes her wrist in his hand. He turns to Hux and says, “Let me know if they attempt another attack.”

 

“As you wish, Supreme Leader.” Hux’s eyes linger on Rey, and Ben can feel the bitterness that resonates off of him. _Filthy Resistance whore_ , flits though Hux’s mind. He nearly raises his hand to slam Hux against the wall but he resists.

 

Ben goes back to the elevator. He waits for the doors to close before he addresses Rey. “It would seem you’re important to the Resistance.”

 

“Does that surprise you?” she snaps.

 

“No, actually,” he says. “I assumed _the General_ would put together a rescue team at some point. I just didn’t expect it to be this soon.”

 

Rey pivots and glares up at him with a mocking sort of half smile. “ _The General?_ You mean _your mother._ ”

 

Ben turns to face her. “Yes, _my mother.”_

 

Rey glares up at him with that same look of defiance she had shown him earlier. The doors to the elevator open, breaking the tension between them. He places his hand on her back and steers her out of the elevator. He can feel her resentment resonate from her. His patience is thinning. Why does she refuse to let go? _If she could just see what he’s seen in the Force..._

 

Ben stops before her door. He keys in the access code, and when the doors open, Rey steps inside. She turns back around and glares up at him. She’s quiet at first, but when she finally speaks, her voice is cold and frigid. “You’re not going to turn me. You can hold me here as long as you want, but I’ll never _ever_ join you.”

 

“ _Maybe_ ,” he says. “But, I have my doubts about that.”

 

Rey scoffs and turns her back to him. “ _We’ll see._ ”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again, thank you for all your comments, kudos, and subscriptions! It really means a lot to me!


	5. V. Panic

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is going to be a little different. It goes a little bit into post traumatic stress disorder, but there’s also a bit of a hurt/comfort dynamic. Let me know what you think.

_She’s going crazy_ —or at least Rey thinks she is. She hates the droids that shuffle into her room with trays of food. She hates the room she’s forced to stay in. She hates the whole entire ship. All she wants is for life to return to normal. _Normal_ —that word hangs in her mind. When has her life ever been _normal?_ This entire situation is just another unfortunate event thrust upon her. _And, she hates it._ Even on Jakku, she had some sense of agency. Here, she’s just a prisoner.

 

Rey lays back in her bed with her arms spread out. There’s only so long one person can read the history of the Old Republic and _think pieces_ on why the Jedi Order was a flawed system. She turns her head to her left and glares to the datapad laying on top of her bedspread. She wants to chuck the thing against the wall and watch it shatter to pieces. Rey will never admit it to herself, but sometimes she misses Ben’s company. Even when they’re shouting at each other, it’s better than staring at the wall or reading through the contents of her datapad.

 

Rey sits up. She just needs to do something— _anything_ —to occupy her mind. Rey swings her legs around the edge of the bed and walks toward the refresher. She steps inside and turns to face the door. Her hand lingers on the control panel but stops before touching the button to close the door behind her. She turns away from the control panel and decides to leave the door open. _It just feels safer for some reason._

 

Rey removes her clothes until she’s completely naked. She steps towards the control panel against the wall and sets the water to her preferred temperature. Lately, that temperature has been _scalding hot._ Rey steps inside the shower, jumping at the heat of the water but relaxing just as quick. Oddly enough, this is the one place she can find peace within the Force. Rey runs soap through her hair before cleaning the rest of her body. Then, she kneels down and sits on the shower floor. She draws her knees to her body and shuts her eyes, taking in the soothing feeling of the hot water raining down on her from above.

 

She hears the door hiss shut from outside the shower. Rey’s eyes snap open. She steps outside of the shower expecting to see a droid, but she’s alone in the small room. _It must have closed automatically._ Rey presses her hand against the fingerprint scanner to unlock the door. _Access denied_ scrolls across the screen in red letters. She presses her hand against the scanner again only to receive the same result. Rey grabs a black robe from the counter and wraps it around herself as if it can give her a sense of security. She leans against the wall and slides to the floor.

 

It’s as if the room has become smaller. She wraps her arms around herself. _It’s so cold in here._ She feels as if the room is getting smaller and smaller. She buries her face into her knees. Her heart feels as if it’s hitting against her chest. She tries not to think of it, but all she can see are her memories of her crash. Rey looks down at her hands, trying to regain some sense of her own sanity. Her hands are trembling. She wants to scream, but she can’t even manage to utter even a whisper.

 

Rey’s breath is sharp and thin when she exhales. Her eyes are fixated on her trembling hands. She wraps her arms around her legs and rests her cheek on her knees. She can hardly focus, but still, she tries desperately to call out to the one person that can help her.

 

“ _Ben…_ ” she whispers. “Help... _please._ ”

 

It feels as an eternity has gone by. Rey wonders if he’s even heard her. Her mind is so scattered. She feels as if at any moment she’s going to lose herself completely.

 

“Rey…”

 

She can barely hear his voice. Rey looks up to see him crouching in front of her. She can barely register anything. Rey reaches out to him and grasps the thick cloth of his coat in between her fingers. Her entire body goes stiff. Ben lifts her into his arms and carries her out of the room. He sits her down on her bed and looks down at her.

 

“What happened?” he asks.

 

Rey can barely manage to focus. She’s not even sure what had come over her. All she can do is stare blankly and say, “ _I don’t know._ ”

 

Ben sits next to her. There’s something in her mind that tells her she should be more apprehensive to him. He is sitting next to her on her bed and all she’s wearing is a robe. It’s as her mind has gone completely numb, because she just can’t find it in herself to care. They sit in silence for what feels like forever.

 

“I couldn’t open the door,” Rey is the first to break the silence. “I don’t know why. I just heard the door close, and I felt like I needed to leave. I just didn’t want to be locked in there.”

 

“If you try to access the scanner when your hands are still wet, it won’t work,” he says. “Your hands have to be dry.”

 

“ _Oh…_ ” Rey suddenly feels like the stupidest girl in the galaxy. “I guess that doesn’t really matter now. It just felt like I was on Hoth. I didn’t actually think I was there. I just felt what I felt when I crashed all over again. It’s like I was there, but I wasn’t. I know it sounds so stupid.”

 

“It doesn’t sound stupid,” he reassures her.

 

Rey looks down at her hands. They’re still shaking. The numbness seems to fade, and all of a sudden, she feels so completely helpless. She feels like something is wrong with her. Even in captivity, she should be able to hold it together for one simple shower.

 

Rey feels the bed shift when Ben rises to his feet. She snatches his hand and looks up to him with sheer desperation in her eyes. “Please don’t leave me.”

 

Ben looks down at her and sits back down next to her. She shouldn’t allow herself to get too close, because if she opens herself up to him, she’s just going to get burned again. _But, she just doesn’t want to be alone._ She leans her head on his shoulder, and almost instantly, he wraps his arm around her waist.

 

“I won’t leave you,” he pauses before adding, “ _ever._ ”

 

There’s something comforting about his words. Rey knows she should push him away. She should deal with whatever it is that afflicts her by herself. Rey feels so weak, because the thought of sleeping through the night by herself is just too much.

 

A part of her hates the way their energies blend together so perfectly. It’s an odd balance that she’d never expect. It feels both so right and so wrong at the same time. She feels his arm tighten around her, and she just feels so _safe_. She should be fighting this, but she just can’t shut him out or push him away.

 

“ _Just_ …” Rey’s voice catches in her throat as she contemplates her next words. She doesn’t have to say them. She doesn’t have to be so desperately needy, but she just can’t stand the thought of being so completely alone. “ _Please_ stay with me. Just for tonight.”

 

Rey shifts so that she’s facing him. She’s looking into his dark eyes, and all she can think of is that night on Ahch-To. She lowers her gaze, trying to fight the pull that draws her to him. She’s fought it for so long now. Surely she can fight it one more day.

 

His hand cups the side of her face. A shiver runs through her, but she doesn’t try to fight him. She wants him to do _something_ , but she’s not sure what that is. She pulls him away from him—not abruptly enough to offend him, but enough to stop herself from getting too close. She moves over to the other side of the bed and pulls the covers over herself before she lays down. She looks over her shoulder to Ben. His eyes look down on her.

 

“You can leave if you want,” she says, caught between the part of herself that thinks she should push him away and the other half that wants him to stay.

 

Rey turns away from him so that she lays with her back facing towards him. She can feel him shifting on the bed. Rey digs her left hand into the pillowcase. _He really is going to leave her here._ She thinks maybe it’s better this way. If she takes an extra dose of her painkillers, she’ll be asleep before her panic returns.

 

Rey feels the bed shift underneath his weight. She turns over to see him lying on the other side of the bed with his naked back facing her. She peers underneath the covers to see that he’s still wearing pants and lets out a soft sigh of relief. Heat runs through her at the thought of it all. She’s not sure how she would handle laying next to a naked man especially _him_ of all people.

 

Rey lays flat on the bed. She laces her fingers together and rests them on top of her abdomen. Her index finger fidgets as she contemplates her situation. She had thought this would be comforting but she can’t seem to relax. _Still_ , whatever tension has come over her is preferable to the panic she had felt earlier.

 

Rey forces her eyes shut and tries to will herself to sleep. He’ll be gone in the morning and whatever panic that looms over her will be forgotten. She keeps her eyes closed and tries to force sleep to take her. Her eyes snap open. Rey tilts her head to the side. His back is still facing her. Rey’s index finger taps against her hand in her own nervousness. She looks up to the ceiling for a moment before she shifts her gaze back over to him.

 

“ _Fuck it,_ ” she whispers to herself.

 

Rey crawls over to him. Ben jumps slightly when he feels her hand against his arm. He props himself up on his shoulder and turns back to look to her.

 

“Could you…” she can feel heat rise in her cheeks as she looks to him. “Could you just hold me?”

 

A look of confusion crosses his feature for a moment before he nods. Rey lays down with her back facing him. She flinches slightly when she feels his arm wrap around her waist. It takes her a moment to get used to the fact that her sworn enemy is holding her. _Finn would be furious._ Rey lets that thought settle in her head. It should bother her more than it does, but she finds herself relaxing in his embrace.

 

Rey rests her hand on top of his and leans closer to him. The panic she had felt earlier seems to have faded to the back of her mind. Her eyes shut, and at last, sleep claims her.

 


	6. VI. Let Go

The first thing he sees when he wakes up is Rey. Ben has to blink a few times just to be sure he isn’t dreaming. He’s thought about this so many times— _holding her close to him just like this_. He’s thought about _other things_ too. Ben looks down on her sleeping form. _One day_ , she’ll come to him. He knows that she feels it too. She’s just holding back, but now that she’s here with him— _now that the Resistance can no longer pollute her mind_ —she will finally see how perfect they are together.

 

Ben pulls her closer to him. He doesn’t want to lose her again. The way that they are bonded, the way that they’ve both seen so deeply into each other’s minds, her strength in the Force—no one else in the galaxy could give him what she has. The Force has brought them together for a reason. If only she would just stop resisting— _if only she would just let go_ —they could be so perfect together.

 

Rey’s eyes flicker open. She tenses at first, but eventually, she relaxes underneath his arm. He brushes her hair away from her face with his hand before snaking his arm back around her waist. He can sense conflict within her. She’s caught between wanting him to stay and wanting to push him away. It’s always been like this between them, an internal push and pull. But, he’s done pushing her away. He’s been done pushing her away since they touched hands in that hut.

 

They stay like this for a while, laying side by side in silence. It almost feels like they’re stuck in an anomaly where time has ceased to exist. He doesn’t want to leave this moment, because it just feels so right to be here. Rey is the first to move. She breaks away from him and sits up in the bed. Ben sits up and swings his legs over the bed. He keeps his back to her, but doesn’t leave her. _He waits._ He’s not exactly sure why he waits or what he’s waiting for, but he’s not ready to leave her.  _Not yet._ He looks down to his hands. He misses holding her, _misses the way her hand rested on top of his last night._

 

“Why did you save me?” she asks that question again, but this time, she sounds as if she knows the answer.

 

Ben turns back to her and looks to her over his shoulder. Their eyes meet for a solid second before her eyes drop to her hands resting on her lap. She continues, “You could have let me freeze to death. If the Resistance found me— _saw how much I suffered before death_ —it would have destroyed their morale. I wouldn’t have died a martyr’s death. I would have just _died_ in such a small, pathetic sort of way. _You would have won._ So, just tell me…”

 

Rey’s voice seems to die before she finishes her sentence. She wraps her arms around herself as if to protect herself from his answer, _the truth that she’s so afraid of._ Tears are forming in the corners of her eyes, but she manages to keep them at bay. She seems to force herself to look up to him and whisper one small little word, “ _Why?_ ”

 

“Because,” he thinks to string together a convenient lie, _thinks that maybe it’s best she never knows._ But, the truth seems to pour from him so easily. “ _Because, I love you._ ”

 

Rey’s eyes drop as tears run down her cheeks. Her guards are so broken down by her crash that he can see it all in her mind. He can see her initial resistance, but also her _fear_ —not of him but fear of her own feelings for him. Her mind flashes to the moment she touched his hand for the first time, and he can see that in that single moment, she had felt it too. But, she’s fighting it, because she thinks it’s wrong to feel the way she does.

 

“Rey…” Ben shifts over to her spot on the bed and takes her cheeks in his hands. He’s so close now, _so close to finally having her._ She looks up to him with tear-stained eyes. He can see the world in those eyes, and all he wants is to be a part of that world.

 

“I don’t understand _why?_ ” she finally whispers. “I don’t understand how anyone would want me.”

 

The sorrow in her voice, the way he can feel all her pain when she thinks that she’s so worthless—it nearly tears him to pieces. He leans forward, his eyes lingering on her exposed collarbone before flickering up to meet her gaze. “You’re not worthless to me, Rey. If you could let me show you how much you mean to me…”

 

Ben’s hands lower from her cheeks and touch the sides of her arms. He expects her to push back or at least flinch under his touch. He’s so, _so_ close to finally having her, and he realizes in that moment that he’s never wanted anything more than he wants her now. He leans closer to her so that they are merely an inch apart.

 

“Let me show you,” he whispers. “ _Please._ ”

 

Rey’s eyes flicker up to his. He fears that she might push him away and shut him out forever, but she leans forward and closes that last tiny space between them. Her lips touch his and he feels as if his entire body has been set on fire. He wraps his arm around her waist and pulls him closer to him. He places his free hand on the back of her neck and lowers her down to the bed. His tongue traces the top of her lips. When she breathes this little gasp, he slides his tongue between her lips and explores her as if he’s starving just for the taste of her.

 

When her arms wrap around his neck to draw him closer, it’s as if his soul burns as hot as Mustafar. His hand touches her side causing her to flinch, and then, _he remembers._ Her wound, although nearly healed, must still cause her pain. It takes every ounce of self-control to part from her. He looks down in her eyes, fearing that this was his only chance—that when this moment ends, she’ll go back to hating him.

 

Ben’s gaze flickers down her trembling form shielded only by a simple black robe. He looks back into her eyes. “We could rule together.”

 

Rey turns her eyes away from him. He can sense the conflict within her. She’s fighting against what she wants in favor of what she believes is right. He leans forward and kisses her exposed collarbone before he leans close to her ear.

 

“I would never let anything happen to you,” he murmurs. “You would never starve. You would wear nothing but the finest clothes. You’d never want for anything. _You’d never be alone._ I could give you _everything_.”

 

Rey’s breath comes out in a staggered sort of sigh. She places the back of her hand against her lips and keeps her face tilted away from him. She drops her hand away from her face, and he uses it as an opportunity to interlace his fingers with hers. She looks so thin and frail underneath his large frame. Even her hand feels so small interlaced in his.

 

“I can’t,” she finally says in a soft sort of sob.

 

Tears form behind her eyes before they stream down her face. She’s become that lost girl in the forest once more. He releases his hand from hers to wipe her tears from her face. “Yes, you can. Let go, Rey.”

 

Another deep breath escapes her. She’s trying to be strong—trying to fight what she feels. The back of his fingers caress her neck as if to encourage her to let go. Yet, still, she repeats, “ _I can’t._ ”

 

The rejection feels like a knife in his heart. He withdraws from her, touching her face one last time before he parts away from her. There’s a mixture of pain and anger that stirs within him. He clenches his fists tightly, but withholds all of his anger deep inside him. He rolls off of her and lays flat on the bed. He stays just long enough to take the last of it in— _the last moment he’ll lie next to her._ He thinks of all the ways it could have been different between them. If only he had found her before the Resistance had—if he had, she would already be his.

 

Ben sits up and grabs the folded clothes he had left on her end table. He pulls his tunic over his head and drapes himself in his heavy coat before fastening it with a thick belt. Ben turns to look back to her. She’s lying flat on her back, her eyes glazed over as she looks up to the ceiling. She looks as if she’s in between a state of being mildly stunned and completely shocked.

 

The room feels more like a void rather than a separate room on the ship. He stands, too afraid to even move. He knows once he leaves this room that everything will change between them. A part of him wants to turn back to her, get on his knees, and beg for her. But, no, he won’t do that. He won’t grovel at her feet like the beggars she’s probably seen on Jakku. He takes his gloves from the nightstand and pulls them over his hands one by one.

 

“Your wound should be about healed now. I’ll have the doctor remove your stitches tomorrow,” he makes sure to keep his voice even despite all the emotions stirring within him.

 

Ben walks to the door at a brisk pace, not too slow but not too fast either. He cannot look _desperate_ to her. So, he reaches out to the darkness within him and shields his heart with a layer of coldness he’s become so accustomed to. He keys in an access code to the control panel. The door opens with a soft hiss. Ben rests his hand on the door-frame. He looks over his shoulder to see that she hasn’t even moved from where she’s lying on her bed. It takes him everything to cross through the doorway and leave. When the door closes behind him, it’s as if something else has closed. Ben balls up his fists. He wants to throw his fist against the wall, but refrains from doing so.

 

Ben walks through the hall with no particular destination in mind. He goes where his feet carry him. Several First Order soldiers look up to him, but glance away from him just as quick. His anger is bubbling beneath the surface, and at any given moment, he’s going to explode.

 

Ben sees Hux marching up to him with that familiar sneer on his lips and that infuriating glare in his eyes. “ _Where have you been?_ I’ve been trying to contact you all morning!”

 

Ben doesn’t even answer Hux. He raises his hand in front of him and shoves Hux up against the ceiling. He holds them there for a moment before letting him drop to the floor. He hears something between a groan and whimper escape Hux in a nasally sort of whine. His anger seems to settle as he leaves Hux on the floor.

 

 _One day, she’ll come around._ But, for now, he waits.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whoa...
> 
> So, that was pretty intense just to even write, but I hope all of you liked this chapter. I wanted Rey to give into him so badly, but also want to keep her true to her character. Things can never be so easy.
> 
> Thanks again for all your lovely comments last chapter. I love hearing from each and every one of you. Leave a comment and let me know what you think of this chapter.


	7. VII. Snake in the Grass

When he had left her that morning, she had laid still for what felt like an entire lifetime. Rey had remembered how she laid flat with her eyes to the ceiling. After he had left her, she remembers that she’d never felt more alone. And now, three standard days later, the memory sticks with her, cycling in her mind over and over.

 

Rey holds a pillow in between her arms as she lays on her side. She hasn’t seen him since. Maybe he hates her now. She pulls the pillow close to her. Somehow the thought of Ben hating her bothers her more than it should. Rey nestles her cheek into the pillow. She feels as if she exists in some kind of void that is neither here nor there. She doesn’t quite feel like she’s part of the Resistance, but she isn’t part of The First Order either. She’s just _here_ drifting through time and space.

 

Rey sits up and crosses her legs. She grabs the pillow and holds it against her chest. She can’t stop thinking about what happened between her and Ben. It almost doesn’t even feel quite real. Surely, he’s always been able to do better than a scavenger girl from Jakku. His parents are legends, and even after that, he’s the Supreme Leader of The First Order. She’s not stupid enough to believe that there aren’t women throwing themselves at his feet, hoping for the power and security that comes with being close to him.

 

 _So, why her?_ It doesn’t quite make sense to her. It was easier to manage her feelings when she didn’t have to think about them. She never imagined that he was just as infatuated with her as she was with him. It was always just something that existed in her subconscious, something she never thought she’d have to address. But, now she must address it, and she’s not even sure where to begin. Rey hugs the pillow closer to her chest and nestles against it. This is all too much for her.

 

She recognizes how completely alone she truly is. Even if she makes it back to the Resistance, she will never be able to speak of what had occurred in this room. She will take it all to her grave as if it never happened. Rey tries to imagine confiding in Finn or Poe or even Rose about what happened between her and Ben. It doesn’t exactly play out so well in her head, and it will probably play out even worse if she ever confessed to any of them.

 

So, she sits in silence. It almost feels hopeless—her entire life that is. She’s been a hostage for half a standard month almost. She wonders how many days will fold over until she’s back with the Resistance. It’s starting to feel like that will never happen. Rey sets the pillow aside. It might be easier just to accept that this is her life now, but there’s this part of her that just doesn’t want to give up on what she’s come to believe in.

 

The door opens, pulling her from her thoughts. Rey manages to glance up at Ben for only a second before her eyes fall to her lap. It’s hard to even look at him anymore. She swallows the nervous lump in her throat as he approaches her. Ben sits at the end of the bed. Every nerve in her body feels as if it’s burning. _It’s so different now._

 

“If I recall correctly, the doctor removed your stitches a couple of days ago. Am I correct?” he asks.

 

“Yes."

 

“Come here,” he orders and gestures her towards him with his hand.

 

Rey swallows the nervous lump in her throat. She crawls towards him and sits at the end of the bed. She keeps her eyes on her lap. The words _don’t look_ run through her mind over and over like a strange sort of mantra. She can feel his weight shift towards her on the bed. Rey’s entire body trembles. All of her fears and her anxiety spike at once. Her breath seems caught in her throat, and she can barely breathe.

 

“I need to see your wound,” he says. “Just to be sure no mistakes were made.”

 

A sharp feeling runs through her at his words. She keeps her eyes low and shifts towards him. Her shaking hands touches the end of her shirt and lifts it for him. Gloved fingers run along her healing scar. Rey flinches at his touch and shuts her eyes tight. The second he removes his hand from her, she pulls her shirt down her waist.

 

“It doesn’t hurt?” he asks.

 

“No,” she manages to say in a small whisper.

 

“Get your shoes on,” he orders. “I need to show you something.”

 

When Rey rises to her feet, a dizzy feeling comes over her. It takes her a moment to steady her mind and walk over to her shoes that are sitting next to the front door. She takes the socks stuffed inside of them and pulls them over her feet before cramming her feet inside the shoes. She stands up straight and props herself against the wall with one hand. Ben walks towards her, and instinctively, she wraps her arms around herself. It’s as if she can feel his eyes on her, studying every bit of her.

 

“I’m not going to hurt you,” he says.

 

“ _Okay…_ ” is all she can manage to whisper.

 

“Rey,” he says. “Look at me.”

 

Rey forces her eyes to look upon him. She feels that familiar pull within her when she looks into his eyes. She hates that she’s so drawn to him. It makes her feel as if she’s a traitor.

 

“ _Rey_ ,” his voice drops to a low and soothing tone. “I need you to trust me.”

 

Rey’s shoulders tense and her eyes fall to the floor. She gives him a small nod, because that’s all she can really manage to do. It doesn’t matter if she trusts him or not, she’s resigned to her position as a hostage. Fighting back will only make it harder. The only thing she can really do is wait for her situation to change.

 

Ben’s fingers curl around her wrist. She jumps at the contact. She looks down at his gloved hand. All she can think of is when his fingers were interlaced with hers and the way his eyes looked down on her with such longing. She never would have imagined that someone else in this galaxy could ever want her. It makes her heart feel so sore and so fragile just thinking about it all.

 

Ben tugs lightly on her wrist and directs her to the door. He keys in an access code with his free hand to open the door. His hand releases her wrist and touches the small of her back to guide her through the doorway. It’s as if her mind is hyper-focused on every spot that he touches. Her skin tingles underneath his hand. Rey straightens her shoulders and takes in a deep breath. The air feels so thick even in her lungs.

 

Ben guides her down the hallway to the elevator. His index finger presses a button against the wall to signal for the elevator. They stand side by side, his hand still flat against the small of her back.

 

The doors to the elevator open. Ben leads Rey inside the small cylinder room. It’s so cramped and small. He leans forward and presses the button to a floor. Rey's entire body tenses when the doors close. _It’s too small in here._ It’s as if her heart is being crushed inside her chest. Ben’s hand drops from her back before he wraps his arm around her waist. He draws her close to him while his fingers caress her softly.

 

“You're okay,” he reassures. “I won’t let anything happen to you.”

 

The doors open and his hand returns to her back. He steers her outside of the room and across the hallway to a pair of durasteel doors. Ben drops his hand from her back and peels off one of his gloves. He places his hand against a panel. A red laser bar runs down the panel before the doors part open for them. Ben withdraws his hand from the panel and pulls his glove back over his hand. He places his hand just below her neck and steers her inside the room.

 

The first thing her eyes catch is a large rectangular black table. Several chairs surround the table. It looks very similar to the tables in the war rooms of several different Resistance ships and bases. Rey’s eyes look to the end of the table. She can almost see Leia standing at the other side of the room, commanding several different officers. Rey's heart hurts at that thought. She misses Leia so much.

 

Ben’s hand drops from her back to grasp her wrist. He guides her through the room to the end of the table. He releases her wrist and pulls out a chair at the far corner of the table. Rey hesitates for half a second before moving towards the chair and taking a seat. Rey rests her hands on her knees but keeps her eyes on Ben. She watches as his fingers trail on the slick black surface of the table. They stop and press against a button. A holographic projection illuminates the room—planets, moons, and stars.

 

Several planets disappear to show each and every Resistance Base known to The First Order. It surprises Rey to see that even the ones that Leia thought were still hidden are known to The First Order. She releases a deep breath. Months and months of plans made with the idea that these bases are unknown seem to dissolve into ash. The worst part of all is that Resistance is still under the assumption that these bases are hidden.

 

“These are the remaining bases of operation to the Resistance, and these…” he pauses and presses a series of buttons, “are the bases of operation of The First Order.”

 

Rey looks to the new set of holograms. The First Order’s forces look as if they are ten times as much as the Resistance’s. She stares up at the holograms, trying to deny what she sees. A deflating feeling fills her. It’s as if her hope is being snuffed out like a candle in the wind.

 

“There are others in the Resistance that know how hopeless it is,” he says. “There are several informants that have given us crucial information. I didn’t even have to pull the information from the minds of the three soldiers that were sent to rescue you. They rolled over pretty easily, because even they know that this war has already decided a victor.”

 

Rey’s eyes drop to the surface of the table. Her pride feels so wounded just looking at the holograms and hearing what he has to say. _It’s so condescending._

 

“So, you brought me here to gloat?” her fingers dig into her knees.

 

“No,” he says. “I want you to understand that the Resistance won’t win this war. You’re on the losing side, Rey.”

 

“It’s not about winning or losing, _Ben!_ ” Rey raises her voice. She stills her anger, reminding herself that she’s in enemy territory. She keeps her tone calm and collected when she speaks, “It’s about doing what’s right.”

 

“Several more people are going to die if the Resistance continues to fight,” Ben says. “Right or wrong doesn’t matter. If you speak with my mother, if you could get her to agree with my terms of surrender, I would allow the ones you care about to return to a normal life.”

 

Rey looks to the holograms. Looking at it from this perspective makes it all seem so hopeless.  _Maybe it is better to surrender._

 

“If you care about their well being—if you wish for your friends to live, you _should_ convince my mother to surrender,” he continues. “No one else has to die, Rey.”

 

“What about me?” she says. “Where will I go?”

 

“Wherever you choose,” Ben says. “When the terms of surrender are signed, you’re free to leave.”

 

“Even…?” She doesn’t want to say the words, because a part of her, isn’t sure she wants to hear them.

 

“Even without me.” Rey can hear a hint of sorrow in his voice. “If that’s what you want.”

 

Rey looks down to her hands. That’s what she should want—to be far away from him. It’s what she thought she wanted. It’s not like she would be alone without him. Surely, her friends would take her back once they understood that surrender was the best option. Rey’s eyes flicker up to the holograms. _It is the best option._ No matter how much she wants to win, she can’t see a way the Resistance can prevail.

 

Ben steps towards her and takes a seat in the chair beside hers. He places one hand on her thigh while the other tilts her chin towards him. “If you decide to stay with me, I will make sure all your wants and needs are taken care of. You would never have to feel alone. You would never go hungry. I would take care of you."

 

“I don’t understand.” Rey's voice catches in her throat. “ _Why?_ You’re the Supreme Leader. You could have anyone.”

 

“I don’t want anyone else,” he says. “ _Just you._ ”

 

Rey rests her hand on top of his. She looks into his eyes and she can see the world in them. He leans forward and places a chaste kiss upon her lips. It takes her a moment to breathe when he parts from her. It shouldn’t feel the way it does. It shouldn’t feel so _right_. Rey can feel his energy draw her towards him. Rey leans forward and rests her head on his chest. His arms wrap around her waist, drawing her closer to him. He places a soft kiss on the top of her head.  _He really must love her._ Rey lets that thought stick in her mind for longer than she should.

 

“We can be like this forever,” he murmurs. “There’s nothing I want more.”

 

Ben’s fingers run through her hair before resting just below her neck. She notices that he likes to touch her and to hold her. All she can think about is Jakku. There were men that would eye her. She hadn’t known that she was privy to their thoughts at the time, but she remembers all the vulgar things that lingered in their minds. It wasn’t like this though. They didn’t want to touch her or hold her. They didn’t want to be with her. They just wanted to use her for one night.

 

Ben’s fingers brush her hair away from her neck. He kisses against her neck causing a shiver to run through her. She knows what he wants from her. She can see all of the things he wants to do to her in his mind. Rey takes in a deep breath and shivers when she releases it into the air. She’s never felt _wanted_ by anyone before. Not until now. Her hands dig into the fabric of his coat. She’s not supposed to feel this way. _Why, why, why?_

 

“ _Ben…_ ” she whispers his name in a soft sigh.

 

“Hmmm?” he murmurs into her neck.

 

An image flashes in her mind—an image of her laid on the table naked, weeping, and crying out for him. _Is this what he wants?_ She focuses and pulls away from their bond. Her body feels so hot and tingles. He nips against her neck lightly before he pulls away from her. His eyes flicker down at her body before meeting her eyes.

 

“I could show you many things, Rey.” His gloved fingers stroke her neck. “If you’d just let me…”

 

Rey can feel each and every beat of her heart. She’s never wanted to be touched or kissed or loved this way before, but _why? Why does she want it from him?_ His hand touches the outside of her thigh. _She’s not going to stop him._ If he keeps touching her, she’s going to let him do what he wants. A mixture of fear and excitement swells within her. She wants to fight against it, but she also wants him so much.

 

The sound of the door hissing pulls her back to reality. Ben jerks away from her and looks over his shoulder to see the red-haired man standing at the door. His eyes narrow at her before they turn to look down on Ben.

 

“ _What is she doing here?_ ” he sneers. “There’s vital information stored in _that table’s computer!_ Have you gone completely mad!”

 

“I have my reasons, Hux,” Ben replies.

 

 _Hux..._ the name sounds so familiar. It clicks. _Armitage Hux_. Ben turns back to her. He’s already in her head before she can put her walls up. _Don’t think it,_ she tries to tell herself. But, it comes to her before she can fight it to the back of her mind. Memories of all of the communications Leia had with this man spills into her mind. The tiny little hologram of him even matches so perfectly now.

 

Rey can feel his rage burn as hot as the surface of a dying star. Inwardly, his anger rises, but outwardly his features are even. “I actually wanted to speak with you, Hux. Stay here.”

 

Ben takes her wrist in his hand and lifts her out of the chair. He takes her out of the room and walks toward the elevator. He signals for the elevator and waits. The energy she had felt in the room— _the longing he had felt from her_ —it’s gone now. It’s been replaced with this burning rage that scares her.

 

The doors to the elevator open. When they step inside, he doesn’t choose a floor. Instead, he presses a button to close the doors and hold the elevator. His voice that was once so sweet has now gone cold. “What kind of information has he given my mother?”

 

Rey doesn’t answer him. She wraps her arms around herself and keeps her eyes low. He’s trying to force his way into her mind, but she’s prepared this time. She forces her guards up, protecting all of the information in her mind.

 

“I’m going to kill him anyway. So, you might as well just tell me, Rey.”

 

It occurs to her that he’ll find the information in Hux’s head regardless. Rey swallows nervously before she answers, “Battle plans and information on the Knights on Ren mostly. I wasn’t around for most of it. He’s not actually on our side. It’s just, _well_ , he doesn’t like you very much. So, my mother has this understanding that if you are removed from power that he’ll probably pick up where you left off.”

 

Ben slams against the button to her floor with his fist. The ride downwards is thick with unspoken tension. When the doors open, he motions for Rey to follow him rather than guiding her with his hands. Her heart sinks. She _actually_ misses his small touches. He keys in the access code to her door. When the door opens, he motions for her to go inside without a single word. Rey steps inside and turns back to face him.

 

“Ben…!” she calls out to him.

 

But, he doesn’t answer her or even glance at her. The door closes and she’s alone again.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I promise they'll come together soon. Be patient with me! Thank you for all your comments as always.


	8. VIII. Victory

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not going to say much, but I will warn for explicit content in this chapter (it's already on the story rating, but I'll warn just in case).

The air in the elevator is thick and rich with his anger. Hux had the audacity to scheme against him with his mother of all people. Ben’s rage burns hot like the surface of a star. It’s war. He shouldn’t take any action so personally, but _his own mother_ colluded with a man whose goal is to murder him. His hands ball up into fists as his entire body trembles with rage. Perhaps his conditions of surrender are far too generous. Rey’s presence has weakened his resolve and has made him far too merciful.

 

The elevator slows to a stop and the doors part open for him. Ben steps across the hallway and removes his glove. He places his hand on the scanner and waits for the computer to confirm his hand print. _The little rat better still be there._ The doors slide open. He places his glove back over his hand and looks inside the room. His eyes narrow at the sight of Hux. Ben steps inside the room. The doors close behind him, leaving him alone with Hux. He’s thought of several ways to begin their conversation, but he resigns to walking to the other end of the room in silence.

 

“That girl killed the Supreme Leader!” Hux shouts. “And, you are parading around with her as if she’s your damn concubine rather than a prisoner!”

 

“Actually, she didn’t kill Snoke.” A smug half-smile forms on Ben’s lips as he turned to face him. “ _I did._ ”

 

There’s this stillness as his words seem to sink into Hux’s thick skull. Hux’s face contorts with rage as he looks across the table at him with hate filled eyes. Hux’s words are clipped with anger, but he keeps his voice controlled when he speaks, “I assumed as much. You and your _whore_ were in on it together, weren’t you? There is no feasible way a _scavenger_ from Jakku could have killed the Supreme Leader and his Elite Praetorian Guard all by herself.”

 

Ben raises his hand to Hux and chokes him at a distance. He could easily just kill him now, but instead, he pulls him towards him with the Force. Hux’s neck is in his grasp. Choking sounds come out in shallow coughs.

 

“You’ve been feeding the Resistance information for three standard months! Do not try to deny it! I saw you communicating with General Organa in the girl’s mind!” his rage has reached a boiling point. “I may have killed Snoke and his useless guards, but my loyalties have always been with The First Order! How many of my men have died because of your treason!”

 

Hux cannot even form the smallest of words. All that can be heard is the sound of choking. Ben crushes the last bit of his life force from Hux’s throat and lets him drop to the floor. He moves the body out of his way with the side of his boot. He’s too preoccupied to bother to even move the body. He’ll have someone else come in here and clean up later.

 

 _Rey._ His eyes cast down to where they sat mere moments ago. _He was so close._ He takes one of the chairs in hand and throws it against the wall. This is harder than he ever expected it to be. Snoke made being the Supreme Leader look so easy, but it isn’t. He’s surrounded by idiots and frauds. It seems as if the only people he can trust are his loyal Knights of Ren.

 

 _Rey._ It all comes back to her. The First Order isn’t even his first priority anymore. It’s her. How can one girl in this large galaxy hold this much power over him? He leans over the table, steadying himself on his palms. His emotions are so raw but also so scattered. He wants her so much. It’s maddening. Before he found her in that forest—before he carried her away from Takodana in his arms—he never wanted anyone. He was contented with the possibility that he would die alone. He never wanted to dethrone Snoke and take his master’s seat of power. It was because of her. Snoke would have never allowed him to have her. So, here he stands as the Supreme Leader. _Because of her._

 

 _Ben_...

 

He hears her calling to him through their bond. Ben closes his eyes and focuses on her energy alone. She’s reaching out to him in a way that is so oddly comforting. He can feel her hands touch the scarred side of his face.

 

Ben’s eyes snap open, and he’s alone with just Hux’s dead body. He rises to his full height. He turns away from the table and walks to the door. It’s like she’s pulling him towards her by an invisible thread. Ben exits the room and walks toward the elevator. He steps inside the elevator and presses the button to Rey’s floor. He exits the elevator and walks through the hall at a brisk pace.

 

He types in the access code to her room and enters. Rey is standing with her back facing him. Her arms are wrapped around herself while her hands clutch her shoulders. She drops her hands to her sides and turns to face him.

 

“There really is no chance for the Resistance to win?” she asks, eyes looking up to him.

 

“You saw for yourself,” he says.

 

“ _Okay..._ ” she says it more for herself—one small little word to keep her emotions at bay. Her eyes drop to the floor at an angle. She brings her hand over her mouth as if to stop herself from dissolving into tears. He can see the push and pull in her mind. There’s the part of her that wants to keep fighting but also the part that knows the truth.

 

Ben steps towards her, he takes her wrist in her hand and pulls her hand away from her face so that it rests by her side. He strokes her arm gently in an attempt to console her. “It’s okay, Rey. Just let go.”

 

Rey expels a deep breath into the air. Her free arm crosses over her heart and clutches her shoulder. She keeps her eyes turned away from him. He takes his free hand and tilts her chin towards him.

 

“Look at me,” he keeps his tone low to appear non-threatening.

 

Rey’s eyes flicker up to his. He can sense that it’s taking her everything to hold her emotions together. He brushes the back of his fingers across her cheek before cupping it in his hand. He studies her features. Even when her heart is breaking, she’s still so beautiful.

 

“I don’t know what to do,” she whispers.

 

“Then, let me help you.”

 

Ben looks to her. He’s never wanted anything more than to be with her. A single tear slips down her cheek. Ben wipes it away with his thumb. He’s so close—so close to finally having her. Rey closes the distance between them and rests the side of her head on his chest. Her fingers curl into the material of his coat. Ben places one hand on the small of her back while the other cradles her head. A piece of him just wants to stay in this moment for an eternity—just him and her forever.

 

Guilt and sorrow resonate from her. She doesn’t exactly want to keep fighting. No one really wants to fight a war especially someone with such a pure heart like her. She keeps fighting only because she just doesn’t want to give up on the ideals she’s become so attached to.

 

“I don’t want anyone else I care about to die.” Rey breaks the silence. “Promise me you won’t kill them. If you promise me, I’ll—”

 

Rey can’t even bring herself to say the words. A part of her still clings to false hopes of victory. Ben’s hand strokes her back in low circles.

 

“I’ll let your friends go free,” he promises. “If you can convince my mother to surrender.”

 

Rey shivers underneath him. She doesn’t answer straight away, but when she does, her voice is a sharp whisper. “ _Alright._ ”

 

They stay still as if time has ceased to move forward. The only sound is their breath and the whir of air being pushed out of the vents. He breaks this stillness when he parts from her to look into her eyes.

 

“ _Rey._ ” It’s as if he can taste her name on his tongue. Her guards are dropped and he can see all her loneliness spill from her mind. He wants to take her away from that dark place. His eyes flicker to her lips that are parted ever so slightly. He takes her chin between his thumb and forefinger. He leans forward and presses his lips to hers.

 

Rey doesn’t push him away physically or even mentally. She’s oddly relaxed. His hand trails up her spine, eliciting a shiver from her. His tongue traces along her lips before he tastes inside her mouth. Ben steadies her, keeping his palm flat against her back. Heat builds within him as he tastes her. He parts away from her and places both his hands on her cheeks.

 

“I can show you so much,” he says to her in a soft, low tone.

 

She pauses, her eyes flickering downwards before they rise up once more to meet his gaze. “Then, show me.”

 

Those three words are all he needs to hear. Ben lifts her into her arms, cradling her in his arms. This is how it all started—carrying her just like this away from the battlefield. He carries her towards the bed and lays her down on the mattress. Every single inch of him burns hot when he climbs on top of her and looks down on her. He wants to touch her— _all of her_. He peels his gloves off and runs his hand along her neck. Feeling her flesh against his bare fingers sends a sharp feeling through him. His hand trails down the material of her shirt. One hand slips underneath her shirt and curls around her back to sit her up. He lifts her shirt over her head along with her breast band, discarding them to the side lazily before laying her back down on the bed.

 

This single moment has played in his mind over and over every night before drifting to sleep. But, this is real and far better than anything he’s ever imagined. Ben glances down at her half-naked body. His palm trails up her abdomen and stops at her breast. He cups her breast in his large hand. A tiny gasp escapes her. Everything about her is so small, and _he loves it._ His thumb rolls over her nipple before he leans over to lay a kiss on it. A sound leaves her lips—something between a gasp and a whimper. Ben crawls forward, propping himself up against his right forearm. Her cheeks are red and her eyes are filled with such innocence. He can tell just by her body language that she’s never done anything like this before. No one else has touched her—just him.

 

His palm runs down her abdomen to the waistband of her pants. He slides his hand underneath her panties and brushes his fingers between her thighs. Rey’s breath is sharp when he slips a finger inside of her. She’s so tight. His breath catches in his throat as he envisions how she’ll feel around his hard cock.  _Soon, but not yet._ He's going to savor this moment before he takes her and makes her his. His thumb rolls over her clit in slow circles. A mewling sound escapes her as she spasms underneath him. He moves his finger inside her and leans closer to her. He nips at her neck before covering it in kisses.

 

“This is what I want, Rey,” he murmurs. "I've wanted it since I first laid eyes on you in that forest."

 

“ _Ben…_ ” his name leaves her lips in a soft sigh.

 

He kisses along her jawline and withdraws his fingers from her. Rey gives a soft little defeated cry. Ben releases a small laugh as he looks down on her. Her eyes are so full of want and need. Finally, he has her right where he wants her. His fingers hook underneath her pants and underwear. He draws them both down her legs and throws them over the side of the bed. Ben looks down at her naked body. His breath slows as his eyes take every inch of her in. His fingers curl underneath her legs and part them so he can look upon her.

 

One hand grips her thigh as he places a wet kiss between her legs. The taste of her is so intoxicating, and the mewling cry she releases is like music to his ears. Ben explores explores her with his tongue, savoring the taste of her. Rey shivers underneath him, releasing tiny cries as his tongue circles over her clit. She’s breathing these desperate little gasps. Ben smirks to himself. At last, he finally has her.

 

“ _Ben,_ ” she whispers his name as one of her hands tangles in his hair. “ _Ben_ , please… _I need_..."

 

His tongue continues to work against her. Ben tightens his hold on her thigh as she squirms underneath him. He can feel her through their bond. She’s so close now. Her thighs are shaking and she’s crying out his name in soft pleas. The way her mind blanks and the way she seems to fall to pieces underneath him makes him swell with a twisted sort of pride. He did this to her, and he’s going to do more. He won’t stop until she’s crying his name out and begging for him.

 

Ben trails kisses up her abdomen and chest till he reaches her neck. He nips and sucks on her neck, marking her so the Resistance can see who she truly belongs to. Their hope will turn to ash when they see her marked like this. He can feel his head rush at the very thought of it. It’s almost sick how much it turns him on.

 

“I need you.” Rey’s voice is almost breathless. “ _Please._ ”

 

Ben sits up and straddles her so she can feel his hard cock through his pants. His fingers linger on her body as he looks down on her. The way she looks up at him with such need—it makes his head swim. He removes his clothes one by one, starting with the belt wrapped around his coat. Once he’s chucked his clothes over the bed, he returns to Rey.

 

Ben straddles her, feeling the heat between her legs on his hard cock. His head is in a haze of disbelief. He never actually believed he’d ever get this far. He’d always believed that he would be pining for her across the stars—always wanting and waiting for a girl he could never have. He takes his cock in his right hand and places it at her entrance. He can sense her anticipation but also her fear. It shouldn’t excite him so much that he will be her first. _No, not just her first, but also her last._ Now that he has her laid out underneath him, he’s going to do everything in his power to keep her.

 

Ben thrusts inside her, eliciting a cry from her. He can feel her pain through their bond. He leans forward and kisses her collarbone to comfort her. He waits until she adjusts to him inside of her before he thrusts inside her again. She tightens around him and a sudden haze comes over him. She feels so damn good around his cock. It takes him everything not to hold her down and fuck her senseless. _No_ , not yet—not until her pain fades. He keeps his thrusts slow and controlled. He hits this spot within her that makes her eyes roll back and sigh. He’s going to bring her to oblivion. Before he’s done with her, she’ll be a mess of hot tears and sweat. She’ll be begging for more— _begging for him._

 

His thrusts quicken. She’s whimpering and whispering something to herself. Her hands shield her eyes as if she can’t even believe what is happening to her. He searches his mind, finding memories where she laid alone at night with her blanket wrapped around her so tightly. He can feel the void of loneliness in her soul. Her eyes flicker open and she looks up to him. He’s touched that part of her mind that’s so fragile and almost broken.

 

" _Please_ _don’t stop,_ ” she looks at him with such raw desperation. “ _Please, please, please…"_

 

 _Please don’t leave me_ echoes in her mind. He slips his hand between them and circles her clit. Her eyes roll back as another cry escapes her. She wraps her arms around him and rocks her hips in time with his thrusts.

 

Ben leans close to her and whispers, “Yes, my sweet Rey, give into me.”

 

The way her mind shatters as she comes apart underneath him brings his own release. He holds her in his arms. Her thin form feels so delicate in his arms. She curls into him, her hands practically clinging to him.

 

“Ben…” she whispers his name. “Stay with me. I don’t want to be alone tonight.”

 

Ben draws her closer to him. He rolls on top of her and looks into her eyes. Having her beneath him like this feels more like victory than any battle he’s ever fought. His hand trials up the outside of her thigh. He’s not done with her yet. He’ll have her writhing underneath her until he’s satisfied his every desire.

 

“You’ll never be alone,” he says. “Not with me.”

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, that happened.


	9. IX. The Morning After

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Anyways, more smut.

There are voices—two of them—Ben’s and another. Rey's eyes blink open. It’s as if a thick fog clouds her thoughts. She’s piecing her mind back together shard by shard. Then, she remembers it all. Her skin goes cold. The entire night he had touched her in ways she's never even dreamed of. _And, she had begged for it._ It’s as if she’s committed the highest treason to the Resistance.

 

Their words are no longer blurred. She’s fully awake now and she can hear them both speak clearly. An unfamiliar voice fills her ears. It’s not as deep as Ben’s, but it’s still very masculine. “Who is she exactly?”

 

“ _Rey_ was Skywalker’s last student,” Ben answers. “The Resistance Jedi. The treacherous Resistance Stormtrooper found her on Jakku.”

 

“ _Jakku?_ ” the man asks. “How did a Jedi end up _there?"_

 

“That’s actually an interesting story,” Ben replies.

 

There’s a pause. Rey can feel both of their eyes on her. She notices that her bare shoulders and back are exposed. She knows how this looks to whoever this man is, and if he were to guess, he would be correct in his assumptions. Rey thinks to reach for the blanket and cover her shoulders, but instead, she remains completely still as if she is frozen in place. Better to pretend that she’s asleep than to have whatever fucked up conversation that will occur if she makes her consciousness known to both of them.

 

“Are you trying to turn her, sire?” the man asks.

 

“I’m not sure if she can be turned to the Dark Side,” Ben says. “Her resolve is strong.”

 

“Skywalker had always said that our resolve was weak,” the man scoffs. “That seems so long ago now.”

 

“It doesn’t matter. He’s dead now.” A chill runs through Rey’s spine at Ben’s words. It’s like he doesn’t even care at all that his uncle has passed. She wonders if Force users really disappear when they come to pass. Her breath catches and she feels like she’s suffocating. If Master Skywalker could see her now, she would be his greatest disappointment. _Well, aside from Ben Solo._

 

Something clatters on the table. “The information as you requested, Master Ren. This is what we managed to gather from Ahch-To. The Jedi Texts seem to have been burned, unfortunately. Skywalker, undoubtedly, predicted that you would go looking for them.”

 

“I figured as much,” Ben pauses before saying, “I need you to do something for me.”

 

“Anything, sire.”

 

“Hux’s dead body is in the conference room,” he says. “I need you to throw him out of an airlock.”

 

“He discovered the truth about Snoke, then?”

 

“I suspect he’s always known the truth,” Ben says. “It doesn’t matter. He’s sold out information on you and the rest of my Knights to General Organa. He needed to be disposed of.”

 

“I will dispose of his body, my lord,” the man says dutifully. “Can I be of any other service to you?”

 

“Not at the moment,” Ben replies. “You are dismissed.”

 

Every muscle in her body constricts. Rey waits to hear the sound of the door hissing shut before she even dares to make the slightest of movements. She’s not ready to deal with _this_. She would rather just drift back to sleep and try to forget it all for just a few more hours.

 

“I know you’re awake, Rey.”

 

Rey’s entire body goes numb at the sound of his voice. She can hear a chair scrape against the floor. It’s the most horrible sound she’s ever heard. Footsteps come toward her and the bed dips when he sits next to her. A hand touches her shoulder. _His large hands_ —both of them had touched every bit of her naked flesh and she had moaned like a cheap Jakku whore underneath him.

 

His hand runs along her naked flesh and a rush comes over her. She’s trying to fight him, but he had made her feel so alive last night. Where did he learn to do the things that he did to her?  _Why does she want him to touch her like that again?_

 

“Get up,” Ben commands. “There’s food and hot Caf waiting for you.”

 

There’s no need to delay this any longer. Rey places her palms flat onto the mattress and sits up. She avoids making eye contact, because she’s just not ready to face him. Ben reaches to the side of the bed and hands her a black robe that matches his. Rey takes it from him, shivering when their hands graze each other. His hand moves to run through her hair, brushing it from her face. He tilts her gaze so that she’s looking directly into his eyes. Rey swallows dryly. It’s as if she reliving last night the moment their eyes meet. A chill crawls through her skin.

 

His hand touches the side of her face. “Last night, was the best night I ever had. _Rey_ …”

 

She’s trembling uncontrollably and all she can manage to say is his name. “ _Ben…_ ”

 

His hand falls to her shoulder and kneads it gently. He’s looking at her in that way that makes her feel so _wanted_.

 

She manages a few words. “I feel so strange. Is this what it was like for you the first time you...?”

 

“Well, _Luke_ caught me,” he says his uncle’s name with such contempt and disgust. “This _girl_ and I were playing a game of sorts with others. It’s actually really strange. You spin something and kiss the person it lands on. It’s actually a really dumb game adolescents play. After we were all done amusing ourselves, she snuck out to find me later that night.” Ben does this mild laugh. “I still remember Luke’s face when he saw us. He was livid."

 

She really shouldn’t ask it, but…"What happened to her?”

 

“She’s dead.”

 

Those two words hang in the air for a moment. Rey feels so cold. She pulls her robe around both of her arms and she shifts on her bed to wrap it around herself before tying the belt. Ben’s fingers curl around bicep to lift her from the bed. He guides her over to the square table and stops to pour her a fresh cup of Caf from a thermos.

 

Her knees are so weak that she practically falls into the chair. Rey's hands reach for the cup of Caf. She brings the mug to her lips, taking in small sips of the bitter liquid. She’s so sore. Her eyes flicker to Ben when he sits down across from her. His hand reaches for the datapad while the other brings a steaming mug of Caf to his lips. Rey sees a memory flicker through their bond. _Han and Leia_ are sitting just like this, but they’re both so much younger. Leia is reading a datapad just like Ben is now and Han is pouring liquor into his mug of Caf.

 

Rey pulls back, hoping that he hadn’t noticed her picking through his mind. She brings the mug to her lips and sips. Rey sets her mug aside and grabs her fork. She stabs at the meat on her plate and pops it into her mouth. Ben eyes her curiously for a moment. He sets his datapad aside, and the first thing Rey notices is the way he holds his fork and knife— _just like Leia._ She has always thought that the way Leia held her fork upside down was some weird habit, but now she thinks maybe that’s just how proper people eat. There’s an odd sort of insecurity she feels. She must look like Jakku trash to him.

 

Rey ignores her insecurities and eats her food in silence. When she finishes, she washes her food down with Caf. She reaches to the thermos to pour herself another cup. Her skin feels so sticky from all the sweat from the previous night. She wants a shower, but she hates being cramped in such a tight space. It’s always the worst part of her morning.

 

Rey looks across the table, peering at him with shy eyes. She really shouldn’t ask it of him. Giving into him last night was bad enough. Her hands grip the sides of her chair as she lowers her eyes to her knees.

 

“I’m going to shower,” she waits to see if he reacts, but his eyes stay focused on the contents of the datapad.

 

Rey lets out a small, defeated breath. She rises from where she sits and walks to the refresher. Her hand touches the doorframe, her fingers lingering there as she stands still. She shifts uneasily on her feet before she turns back to him.

 

“Will you come with me?” her voice is filled with such shy innocence and she _hates_ it.

 

Ben sets the datapad down and studies her for a moment. He gives her a small nod before rising to join her. Rey’s hands search the wall for the light switch before she steps inside. She pauses, feeling a familiar nervousness come over her. Ben’s hands rest on her shoulders before they trail down her arms. He reaches around her to untie the belt on her robe and peels it off to her. The robe pools around her feet. She feels cool air touch her skin and instinctively wraps her arms around herself.

 

Ben's fingers run along the control panel to turn the shower on before removing his robe. Rey swallows nervously before stepping inside the shower. The hot water touches her skin, but she can't seem to relax. She stands with her back turned away from him. This was supposed to make her feel relaxed, but all these conflicting feelings are rushing through her. She should shut him out, but all she wants is for him to touch her. She looks over her shoulder for a moment. How is she supposed to ask that of him? All of these emotions are so new to her.

 

His hand runs along her arm at first as if to test her. Rey steps back to him slightly. His free hand rests on the outside of her thigh, his fingers moving against her in small circles. He presses himself against her and draws her closer.

 

“Tell me what you want, Rey,” he murmurs into her ear.

 

Rey makes one last attempt to resist, but she just wants him too much. His fingers slide from her thigh and in between her legs. He circles around that spot he found last night. Rey’s head tilts back as she lets a soft cry.

 

“Is this what you want?” he asks.

 

“ _Yes_ ,” she answers, feeling all the shame in the world.

 

A finger slides inside her. His fingers are so long and thick in comparison to her own. He can touch her in places she’s never been able to reach. Rey gasps. His thumb circles around her clit as his finger works inside her. Hot water pours from above. She can barely manage to even think. _Why does he have to be so good at this?_ It makes it so much harder to resist him.

 

Ben’s hand cups her breast and kneads it softly. She can feel him harden against her as his fingers move inside her, grazing a spot that makes her head swim. She cries out. Her thighs are shaking underneath her. He’s so close to making her come apart. She can feel that familiar rush of pleasure she felt over and over last night. Her mind seems to go blank as her entire body trembles underneath his touch. She rides the last wave of pleasure before coming back to her senses.

 

Rey’s fingers tingle. Last night, she was too caught up in her own shock to dare to touch him in the ways she wanted to. Rey turns to face him. She leans forward and places a kiss on the scar she left on his neck. She places her trembling palms on his chest and focuses on the hot water cascading against her back. Her courage seems to pour away from her the longer she waits. Rey looks up to him as if he can give her the nerve to do what she’s about to do.

 

His hand trails up her spine, to her neck, and finally, it rests on the crown of her head. “Get on your knees.”

 

Rey drops down till her knees rest in the shallow pool of water beneath her. His hand is tangled in her wet hair. She takes the shaft of his cock in her hand and hesitates. _She’s really going to do this._ Rey leans forward and takes him in her mouth. She can hear him groan when her tongue works against him.

 

“ _Yes, Rey,_ ” he hisses her name. “Just like that.”

 

Her hand runs along his length while her tongue circles around the tip of his cock. She can feel his energy through the Force. Whatever she’s doing to him is working. His fingers dig into her scalp when he reaches his release. The taste of him is so foreign to her. It’s so salty and bitter. Rey brings the back of her hand against her mouth in an attempt to stop herself from coughing. She swallows before she dissolves into a fit of coughs.

 

Ben hooks his hand underneath her armpits and lifts her off the shower floor. He pushes her back against the wall and presses his lips against hers. His tongue forces its way into her mouth as his hands hold her wrists above her head. His tongue brushes against hers, and Rey follows his lead. She sees something in his mind—a twisted thought of her strapped down to the interrogation table but without any clothes. Rey pulls back from his mind and quivers. _Is that what he wants to do to her?_

 

Ben withdraws from her and lifts her up against the wall. She can feel him against her before he pushes inside her. He’s still too damn big and too damn thick for her tiny body. She releases a soft little whine. It’s as if she’s being split apart inside. Rey’s arms curl around his neck as her legs wrap around his waist. He holds her against the wall and thrusts inside her. Her arms tighten around his neck. She thinks he might drop her, but he holds her up like she’s as light as a mere feather. Her nails dig into his back when he hits that spot inside her that makes her writhe.

 

“Ben…” she breathes his name. “Ben, please, _I need…_ ”

 

Her words turn to cries and whimpers as his pace quickens. She shouldn’t want this, but it just feels so good. Her eyes roll back as a sigh escapes her. She can feel the pressure building within her. She squirms against him as her fingers claw at his back. He keeps her steady, fucking her against the wall as if she's weightless to him. He's grinning at her. He's enjoying watching her shaking and pleading as he fucks her senseless. Her mind seems to shatter. She wraps her arms and legs around him tightly as her entire body spasms with sheer ecstasy. She can feel his own release, rich and powerful, through the Force. Her breath comes out in heavy pants and all she can do is cling to him as if he is her last lifeline.

 

Rey drops her feet to the floor and almost falls to her knees. Ben steadies her, holding her against his chest. Rey rests her head against him basking in the hot water raining down on her. Her thoughts are so cloudy and she can barely think straight. She tries to piece together what’s happening to her, but she feels like she’s already lost herself.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whoa. I don't have a lot to say. Obviously, the man at the beginning is one of the Knights of Ren. Also, I also made sure to highlight their class differences in this chapter, because I feel like that a lot of writers seem to forget that Rey and Ben come from opposite social standings. Anyways, let me know what you think.


	10. X. Just Her

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry about the delayed update. I got stuck in writer’s block for a bit. This chapter was difficult to write for some unknown reason. I think that things will be turning in an interesting direction soon. No spoilers but I think you all will like what it eventually leads to.

I’m The feeling of being inside her is euphoric. It’s nothing like he dreamed of. _No_ , it’s far better. The thought of her stays in his mind through tactical meetings and even at night when he lies alone in his private quarters. He’s discovered that he does not like to sleep alone now that he’s slept by her side. Rey should be by his side night after night. He’s hesitated to ask her, because he fears that it will set back all the progress he’s made with her. So, he’s resigned to visiting her and having meals with her when his duties to The First Order don’t interfere.

 

Ben’s hands touch the glass as he gazes out into a sea of stars. Rey still has her part to play before they can move forward and that is to convince his mother to surrender. He’s not sure if it will be enough. He actually doubts Rey can sway his mother, but it will sever her from the Resistance. It’s horribly manipulative. If he were a different person, he might feel terrible about it, but he’s not and he doesn’t.

 

If his mother surrenders, he will honor his end of the deal. He’ll let the people she cares about go. A part of him hopes his mother will be reasonable and surrender. He doubts it. His mother has always been too stubborn. A part of him doesn’t ever want to arrange a meeting with Rey and his mother. He wants to stay in this moment of time where he can just be with her.

 

 _Rey._ He had thought that being intimate with her would calm the raging storm within him, but it’s only made him want her more. His teeth graze lip as he pushes his hand against the glass. He’ll never be satisfied until she’s his in every possible way. He’s been addicted to her since he first felt her energy on Takodana. Ben thinks this must be what it’s like to be addicted to Death Sticks—always chasing the high, but it’s never enough.  

 

He wants more—not just the sexual intimacy. He wants her loyalty. He wants her affection. He wants _everything._ Ben slams his fist against the heavily fortified glass. Nothing can stop his obsession with her. He’ll burn for an eternity without her. He clenches his gloved hands into fists.

 

He needs to see her. She’s the only person that pulls him back from all the pain. _Rey._ He clenches his fists and takes in a deep breath. Just thinking of her calms his soul. He turns away from the glass and walks through his room. He exits the room and moves down the hall towards Rey’s room.

When he reaches her room, he types in the access code. The doors open. Rey’s eyes snap up from the mug of Caf pressed against her lips. She sets the mug down and dissolved into a coughing fit. He crosses through the doorway and steps towards her.

 

“You surprised me,” Rey says through small coughs.

 

Ben places his hand against her arm. Rey flinches at his touch but relaxes just as fast. She’s still not used to whatever it is that has occurred between them. Her eyes look down at the pool of black Caf in her mug. He runs his hand down her arm, causing a small sigh to escape her.

 

Her hand reaches for the mug and sips as if everything is completely normal. She keeps her eyes to the wall across from her. Her breath stills. He wants to lift her in his arms, carry her to the bed, and fuck her brains out. _But,_ other things must be discussed.

 

“Rey.” Ben starts with just her name. “At some point, you’re going to have to speak with my mother.”

 

“ _I know,_ ” her voice is a distant whisper. He can hear the guilt in the quiver of her voice. Soon, she will understand she is doing what is best for his mother and all of her friends that she cares so much for.

 

It’s almost as if she’s withdrawing from him even though she’s completely still. He wants her to do something— _anything other than staring off into nothing_. Ben kneels down on one knee and places his hand on her thigh.

 

“What’s wrong?”

 

“Nothing’s wrong.”

 

He’s heard these exact four words before when his mother and father were about to fight. He can feel his skin tingle as if it’s being pricked by thousands of needles. He rises to his feet and looks down on her. His chest constricts as he releases a heavy breath.

 

Her eyes stay fixed away from him. Rey runs a hand through her hair nervously. Her hands tighten around her mug. “I’m sick of being stuck in this room all the time.”

 

“I can’t just let you run freely—”

 

“Yeah, but you can _fuck_ me!” Rey shouts before throwing the mug against the wall. A sharp sound resonates in the room before it shatters to pieces, leaving a trail of Caf against the wall.

 

Rey places her palms against the table. “I’m nothing but your whore.”

 

“That’s not what I feel about you.”

 

“No?” Rey rises from where she stands, keeping her hands flat on the table. “I hear what people think when they walk down the hall. Do you know the words they think when they walk by my door?”

 

“I try not to listen to what my subordinates think,” Ben says. “It usually only frustrates me.”

 

“People will know,” Rey says. “I’m sure Hux isn’t the only person that’s leaked information. _People will know._ ”

 

Rey wraps her arms around herself. Her eyes are cast downward. In her mind, she’s imagining the anger of all her friends. He steps toward her and touches her arm. He waits to see if she pushes him away before he takes her into his arms.

 

“I would never leave you,” Ben reassures. “I’ll always be with you.”

 

His hands run along her spine. She trembles in his arms. Her hands reach between them so that she can rest both palms on his chest. She rests her head against him. Her face is probably wet with tears and this is her chance at hiding them from him.

 

“We would be so great together, Rey,” he says. “I’ve seen it in the Force—you and I ruling the galaxy.”

 

Rey pulls back ever so slightly to look up at him. “I don’t want power, Ben.”

 

“Then, what do you want?”

 

Rey’s brow creases. She’s searching for an answer. He can see it in her mind. Her voice quivers when she answers. “ _I don’t know.”_

 

Ben places his hands on both of her arms. He runs his gloved hands along her skin in an attempt to comfort her. She’s been fighting so hard all her life to just survive that she’s never had a chance to want something for herself. Ben touches her neck and kisses the top of her head. He wants to give her _everything_. Rey’s fingers dig into the material of his clothes. She’s looking up to him with dilated green eyes.

 

“I want to feel something,” she says, her tone soft. “I just don’t want to be alone.”

 

 _I want to be loved_ resonates from her mind. It seems like such a small little request to her as if her feelings are so worthless and meaningless. A lifetime of abandonment has taught her this. Ben wonders if it would have been easier to never know Luke Skywalker. If Luke had died during the Battle of Endor would he have ever turned to the dark side? Ben sees Luke’s green blade in his mind, but then, he feels _her_. Her palms are touching his cheeks, and it doesn’t seem to hurt so much.

 

Ben places his gloved hands over her hands and shuts his eyes. He can feel _peace and serenity_ —something he’s never felt in his entire life. But, when he’s connected to her, it’s so easy to find that calm he’s never had. Yet, underneath all the peace within her is a pit of loneliness that seems to tear through her. Maybe, it’s not possible to fill that void in her heart. His mother couldn’t and neither could her friends in the Resistance.

 

Ben takes her hands from her face. He places his hand on her cheeks. His eyes study hers for a moment. Then, he leans down and presses his lips against hers in a chaste kiss. He wants to do so much to her, but he also wants to show her that she means so much more than just a lay to him.

 

Ben’s hands smooth out the clothe covering her shoulders as he glances down at her. She truly is the best thing that has ever happened to him. She’s the only thing that brings him back from all the darkness and the pain. If she could just give in, _if she could just be with him,_ he wouldn’t want anyone else. _Just her._ No one else could make him happy.

Ben can feel that void of loneliness in her heart. He wants to be the one that fills it. He wants to be the one to make her whole.


	11. XI. The Negotiation

Ben was kind enough to provide her with clothing to wear that is far removed from The First Order. The gray and white hues bring her back to before her surrender through the Force Bond. Rey wonders if she’s made the correct choice by choosing to surrender over her own death. She knows her negotiation will hurt the Resistance’s morale, but she also knows that the Resistance is a lost cause. Is it really glorious to die for an idea that can never be? It’s starting to feel more like a waste of human life to her.

 

Rey straightens the material of her gray vest and sits at the end of her bed. _Can she really do this?_ Rey’s asked herself this several times over the past few days. This all sounded so much easier when she first agreed to it, but now, she’s having her own doubts. She should trust that Leia can pull through even in the direst circumstances, but at the same time, she’s not sure if the risk is worth losing Finn, Poe, and Rose.

 

 _They should live._ Maybe Poe will never give up on the Resistance’s ideas, but Finn and Rose can live a normal life together. Rose likes Finn well enough even if he’s oblivious to her. _They could be so happy,_ Rey thinks to herself. It’s a pretty thought—Finn and Rose off on a remote planet away from the war. They could live a normal life and raise a family together.

 

Rey rests her hands on her knees and expels a deep breath of air. She could be happy too, couldn't she? Rey tries to remember a time in her life where she was truly happy. A sharp sensation cuts through her. She's never been happy—not truly. Rey wonders what it even feels like to truly be happy. She forces back the cold, lonely feeling that runs through her. Maybe she will never know.

 

Rey can feel Ben’s presence on the other side of the door. _It’s time._ She brushes a strand away from her face nervously and keeps her eyes to the door. Their eyes meet the moment the door opens. Ben steps inside, keeping his eyes focused on her. There’s a beat of silence that passes.

 

There’s no reason to resist or make this harder than it has to be. The people she cares about will have it so much easier if she makes this deal with Leia. Her entire body starts to shake uncontrollably as she imagines Leia on the other side of the hologram. She wishes she could stay in this moment of time so that what she must do will never come to pass.

 

Ben sits next to her on the bed. Rey lets out a sharp breath of air and blocks her face with the back of her hand. She’s trying to fight her emotions, but they’re threatening to take control of her. Ben takes her wrist in her hand and moves her hand away from her face. He places his gloved hand on her cheek and tilts her face towards him.

 

“It’s okay, Rey,” he says. “You’re doing what’s best.”

 

Rey swallows the lump in her throat and responses with a nod. Ben leans forward and kisses her forehead softly. A shiver runs down her spine. Everything she’s done with him feels so wrong, but still, she can’t push him away. _She loves him._ It’s wrong. _But, she loves him._

 

“I want you to stay with me,” his voice is low as he caresses the side of her arm. He leans down and places a kiss right underneath her jawline.

 

Rey shuts her eyes and allows him to touch her and kiss her. She keeps telling herself every time that she’s intimate with him that it will be the last time she ever is, but she now knows she’s only lying to herself. He places soft kisses down her neck as his hand caresses her thigh. He pulls away from her and looks into her eyes. It’s almost as if he’s studying her every look like her eyes can tell him what she plans to do.

 

A part of her wants to stay with him because she knows that her friends are going to dislike the decision she has made. But, there’s also this part that thinks she shouldn’t. He’s the reason the war still rages on. He could have taken her side. _He could have left with her after he killed Snoke._

 

“We should go,” Rey says.

 

Ben’s eyes flicker downward as he withdraws his hand from her thigh. He wanted to hear it. He wanted to hear her promise that she’d stay with him. Rey almost tells him that she will but stops herself. Ben rises to his full height and offers her his hand. Rey hesitates but decides to take it. She rises to her feet, feeling each and every movement as if time has slowed down. She stands there for a moment, keeping her hand in his. Her fingers linger on his gloved hand before she softly pulls away.

 

Ben’s hand finds the small of her back as it always does. It’s as if he’s always trying to stay connected to her. Rey has tried not to want that connection from him but she wants it. No one else can share what they have in the Force. Snoke had tied them together for the rest of her life, and there is no escaping what they have together.

 

They exit the room. Ben steers her down the hallway to the elevator. Ben presses the button to signal the elevator. Ben looks to her. “No matter how this ends, we’ll be off this ship soon.”

 

“Where are we going?” Rey asks.

 

“I’ll tell you when it’s all over,” he says.

 

The doors open. Ben guides her inside. He presses the button to his desired floor before he wraps his arm around her waist and pulls her close to him. His hand strokes her hair as if to comfort her. He knows she hates small spaces. _He does care._ It’s not just some cruel trick. Rey allows her head to rest against his chest. Something inside of her is slipping. _No,_ something inside of her is _letting go._

 

The doors open. Ben pulls away from her, and Rey notices that she misses his closeness more than she usually does. His hand touches his back and guides her out of the elevator. They move through a series of halls Rey hasn’t yet seen. Her feet are starting to feel heavy. They stop at a door. The door opens for them. A masked man is standing on the other side of the door. She’s felt this presence before. It is the same man Ben had been talking to the morning _after_ …

 

Ben steers her inside the room. It’s so small. Rey notices a large screen that shows a vacant room on the other side. Ben steps towards an open door to an empty room.

 

“I don’t want to go by myself,” Rey says.

 

“I can’t be hovering over you when you talk to my—” he pauses and corrects himself, “to the General. The optics on that would make your words disingenuous.”

 

Rey looks up to him. She’s not even sure if the words she's about to speak could be considered authentic because of the power dynamics of her situation. Rey turns away from him and steps inside the room. Aside from a holoprojector, the room is empty. Rey wraps her arms around herself. She’s second guessing the promise she made to Ben. Maybe it isn’t really her place to suggest to Leia to surrender. She turns away from the holoprojector. Her hands are clutching the opposite shoulder as she crosses her arms over herself.

 

“Rey…” Leia’s voice resonates through the room. Rey looks over her shoulder before she turns to face the bluish hologram. “How are you? Has  _he_ tortured you?”

 

Rey shakes her head. “I haven’t been tortured.”

 

Leia expels a deep sigh of relief. “I was afraid  _that_..."

 

 _I was afraid that my son might hurt you._ Rey is sure that is what Leia had meant to say before her words trailed off. Rey stands still for a moment. She’s not sure where she should begin. She searches her mind for a way to start this _negotiation._ Rey supposes it might be best to start from the beginning.

 

“I crashed on Hoth,” Rey’s fingers dig into her palms. “The power in my X-Wing failed. I was too injured to shoot a flare gun. I was... _found_ by The First Order.”

 

The lie tastes so awful on her tongue, but Rey thinks that it might not be best to tell Leia about the strange bond she has with her son. If she were to, she’s not sure if she could keep the Resistance’s trust. They would always wonder if Ben was hovering over her shoulder in tactical meetings.

 

“It is good to see that you have survived and are in good health,” Leia says. “It is my deepest regret that we could not find you before our enemies.”

 

“General," Rey pauses. “I have _seen_ things. The enemy that we are speaking of has the upper hand. The Resistance can’t win.”

 

Leia’s gaze hardens. “My son told you this.”

 

“He didn’t just tell me,” she says. “He showed me how hopeless it was. I don’t want you or Poe or Finn or anyone else to die.”

 

“Are you asking the Resistance to surrender?” she asks.

 

“I’m saying you should really consider it.”

 

Leia is looking towards her, most likely studying her features on a hologram of her at a Resistance base. Leia's lips press into a line. “My son has put you up to this with threats. These are not your true words. Rey, I'm unfortunately going to ask you to be strong. Our first attempt to rescue you ended in failure, but we won't give up."

 

“You have to believe me,” a tear runs down her cheek. “ _Please._ So many people are going to die. I agreed to do this. _Please..._ just believe me.”

 

“He’s going to torture you after I cut our communications channel, isn’t he?” Leia’s voice rises but remains calm. “I had thought that maybe I had raised him better than that. I am sorry that my failure as a parent is costing you so much, Rey. Han, Luke, and I—we really did try.”

 

 _She hadn’t told Leia about Luke yet._ Rey feels panicked. She can barely even think as she speaks. “ _Don’t do this._ Please…”

 

“I will do everything I can to bring you back, Rey,” Leia says. “Please know that we haven’t given up on you. May the Force be with you."

 

“ _No…_ ” is all Rey can whisper. “ _Please…"_

 

The hologram disappears. It’s as if every muscle in her body has turned to ice. She can barely even manage the slightest movement. Rey can see it all in her mind. All of the destruction, all of the loss of life—she sees it and nothing has ever made her more terrified. Finn, Poe, Rose—they’re all going to die. She’s angry not just at Leia but also at Ben.

 

 _Why? Why did that whole family allow this happen?_ Maybe the whole Skywalker line has always been this way.  _Damn them all!_

 

The door opens. Ben and his loyal Knight of Ren step inside. Rey's first thought is to lash out and scream at him, but she remembers how powerless she truly is. The next thought that comes to her mind is absolutely humiliating. Not even on Jakku had she ever begged, _not even when she starved._  She would never give Plutt the satisfaction. But, this isn't just about her survival. This is about the survival of thousands of people. Ben approaches her. Rey reaches out to him and digs her fingers into his clothing. She imagines what her face might look like—eyes dilated, full of fear, and absolutely pathetic. 

 

“Please don’t kill them,” her voice is low at first but raises with each word that she speaks. “Ben, please...don’t kill my friends!”

 

It’s as if she’s lost herself. She can feel her stress build and build. Her mind is like a spiral of chaos that's consuming her. She’s so disconnected from the Force. Her emotions seem to rule her. It’s as if the walls are closing in on her. She’s suddenly seeing the stark difference in their heights and their builds clearer than she ever has. He could overtake her so easily. She's afraid of him. She's afraid of this small room.  _She's afraid of everything._

 

“Just let me try to talk to her again!” she’s clinging to the material of his heavy coat. “ _Please!_ You don’t hate to hurt anyone!  _Please, Ben!_ I'll do whatever you want! I'll stay with you! I promise! Please!"

 

Ben raises his hand before her face just as he had when they first met. Her head feels so heavy but her body feels so light. She drops into his left arm and the last thing she sees is his face.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry I hit so hard with the angst. Things will simmer down next chapter. I promise.


	12. XII. Naboo

_Naboo,_ the homeworld of his maternal grandmother, seemed like the perfect place to take Rey. The City of Theed is beautiful and unlike anything she would have ever seen before. Perhaps it will take her mind off of her stress. Ben crosses over to the large bed and looks down on Rey’s sleeping form. Her small form covers a small fraction of what once was the bed his grandmother when she served as Queen of Naboo. He’s seen holograms of Padme Amidala Naberrie. He's often wondered if his grandfather loved her as much as he loves Rey.

 

Ben sits at the chair he had placed at the end of her bed. He takes her hand in his. Ben notices the sheer white fabric covering Rey’s arm. Intricate floral patterns are woven into the fabric. Rey looks as if she could be the Daughter of Spring. It’s a stark contrast to the black silks he was given to wear. _Son of Darkness_ , that is what Snoke has called him, wasn’t it? Ben smoothes out the expensive material of his long coat. _These people and their clothes._ It must have been maddening for his grandmother to prepare for her day every morning.

 

Rey whimpers and turns in her sleep. She’s murmuring a word. _No, not a word._  His breath catches in his throat. _She’s whispering his name._ He thinks that saying her name might pull her from her sleep. “Rey.”

 

Rey is facing him when she opens her eyes. He looks into her eyes expecting hostility, but she isn’t angry. She’s just very sad. He sets his hand on the sheer fabric covering her shoulder.

 

“Where am I?” she asks.

 

“Naboo,” he says. “The City is Theed to be exact.”

 

“You don’t have me locked away in your ship,” she gives him a teasing sort of smile. “I could just run away if I wanted to.”

 

“You could,” he says. “But, I don’t think you will.”

 

Her hand reaches up to brush a lock of his hair away from his face. “Why not?”

 

“Because, there’s no reason to,” he says. “You’re not going to go back to fight a war you know you can’t win."

 

Rey’s hand withdraws from him. She’s handling this too well. She’s playful but also loopy in a way. The antistress capsule administered in her sleep must still be running through her system. Rey sits up and falls sideways. Ben catches her with her hand, keeping her steady.

 

“Easy,” he says.

 

“What if I don’t want you to be easy on me,” she leans forward, her lips an inch away from his face.

 

Ben’s eyes flicker down at the sheer material exposing every inch of her. Her handmaidens must have picked this out with the idea that he intended to be intimate with her when she woke. Ben places his hands on both of her shoulders and lightly pushes her away. A look of hurt crosses her eyes.

 

“You don’t want me?” her voice lilts while her eyes unfocus.

 

“I do, _more than anything_. But, not like this.” He steadies her with one hand and hands her a glass of water. “Drink this. It will help you sober up.”

 

“I haven’t been drinking alcohol,” she argues before taking the glass in her hand. It slips from her fingers and drops to the floor. The glass shatters to pieces as water sprays across the marble floor.

 

Ben lets out a sigh of frustration. Rey is pulling at his arm as if to drag him into the bed with her. “Lay down with me.”

 

Ben obliges her request. He lays down and takes her into his arms. Rey pulls at the gold comforter and draws it over both of them. She rests her head on his chest and murmurs. “I don’t know why I love you so much. I should really hate you. But, I love you.”

 

Her hand reaches out and trails along the scar across his face—the scar she gave him. His hand reaches up to hers and presses her palm into his cheek. He shifts so that he can face her. He draws her close to him. He could hold her like this forever and never want anything else. His hand brushes across her brow as he looks into her eyes. The sight of her naked form underneath her sheer gown flashes in his mind. He wants to touch her, _but not yet._ He resigns to kissing her forehead and pulling her closer to him.

 

“I don’t know what I’m going to do,” her voice is fragile. “I don’t want to go back to Jakku, but I don’t want to die in the Resistance for nothing.”

 

Ben refrains from speaking on her words. He’s too comfortable holding her that he doesn’t want to spike her anger. Right now, everything is so peaceful even if her peace has been manufactured with the help of a drug.

 

“I wish you would touch me,” Rey whispers. “I just want to feel something. I don’t understand. Are you angry with me?”

 

Ben sits her up with him. She sways slightly before he steadies her. “I can’t.”

 

“Why?” she utters sheepishly. “I want you to…”

 

Ben sits her up on his lap and lets her head fall into his shoulder. She drifts in and out of sleep. He strokes her hair. It’s hard for him to see her like this. He places his hand in front of her eyes and wills her back to sleep. Ben lays her back in the bed and draws the covers over her. He sits at the end of the bed and exhales into his hands.

 

“You’re her grandson, aren’t you?”

 

Ben flinches at the unsuspected voice. He turns his gaze to see an old woman dressed in a long black velvet gown. Her gray hair is twisted into a gold hairpiece. Ben rises from where he sits and turns to face her directly.

 

“I saw your hair and your eyes,” she says. “And, that’s when I was sure.”

 

“Who are you?” his voice is blunt and defensive.

 

“I am Sabé. I _was_ your grandmother’s decoy many, many years ago,” she says. “But, I was also a friend.”

 

“How did you get in here?”

 

“This palace has many secrets,” Sabe continues. “It was once my job to know them all.”

 

Sabé walks to the other side of the bed and looks down on Rey. He peers into her mind. The sight of him and Rey is so familiar to her—like two people she used to know. He sees it in her mind—his grandfather and his grandmother. Ben steps back slightly, his boots crunching against the shattered glass on the floor.

 

“You knew my grandfather?” he asks.

 

A blonde child appears in her mind. “I met him when he was a child. We were never close in a sense that he would have considered me a friend. I was closer to your grandmother.”

 

Ben glances across the bed to Sabé. “What was she like?”

 

“Padme was very clever,” Sabé answers. “She kept her secrets well. I didn’t know that they were involved for a very long time. It wasn’t until she was with child that I knew. She was dismissive of the men that tried to court her, but spend so much time with Anakin. It was the only explanation for her pregnancy. She died in childbirth or so I’ve been told.”

 

Ben can sense her doubt on the subject but decides not to press the issue. Sabé’s gaze falls from his to look upon Rey. Ben stands in silence, allowing her to brush a strand of hair away from Rey’s face.

 

“She’s to be your empress,” Sabé says those words as if they are fact rather than a question.

 

There are so many ways he can answer that question. He decides to go with an optimistic answer. “That is what I intend.”

 

“Who is she?” Sabé asks.

 

“ _She’s…_ ” he’s not quite sure how to answer the question. “She’s from Jakku. Her parents were junk traders. She might not be from a prestigious family, but it doesn’t matter to me.”

 

A smile forms on her lips. “Your grandfather was a slave when he met your grandmother. Love isn’t about making marriage alliances like so many of these politicians seem to think. You don’t get to choose who you fall in love with. If love were so easy, it wouldn’t mean anything.”

 

Sabé leans away from Rey, but her eyes still look upon her with curiosity. “What is her name?”

 

“Rey,” he answers.

 

“ _Rey_ ,” she tests the name on her tongue before saying, “Rey of Jakku.”

 

Sabé’s turns her gaze away from Rey and looks directly towards him from across the bed. “When she wakes, I want to meet with her.”

 

Ben peers into her mind, searching for any communications she’s had with the Resistance. She’s not a spy. She isn’t sympathetic to either side actually. Her loyalties are tied back to one person and that is Padme Amidala Naberrie. He weighs and calculates both of his options. He can deny her request without any consequence. Ben searches her mind for her intentions. She wants to _help_. He’s not sure why she thinks that she has to, but _maybe_ she can help. There is no possible way she can make this worse than he already has.

 

“I’ll have someone send for you when she recovers,” Ben says. “She’s under a lot of stress at the moment.”

 

 _Stress he put her under,_ he reminds himself. Ben grits his teeth as his hands ball up into fists. He wanted to separate her from the Resistance, but by doing so, he caused her so much pain.

 

“ _Ben_.”

 

Ben eyes flicker to Sabé. She had addressed him by his true name rather than an honorific or his false name. He doesn’t even think to correct her like he would if anyone other than Rey used his birth name. 

 

“I am at your service as well,” she says. “If you need anything, do not hesitate to ask.”

 

All he can manage is a small nod in response. Sabé’s gaze shifts away from him. He can hear her footsteps against the floor as she walks towards the door. He doesn’t move until he hears the door shut behind her. He releases a deep breath and sits down on the bed. Ben’s hand runs down Rey’s arm until his hand is on top of her hand. They argue and fuck. Then, they argue and they fuck again. Something needs to change between them, and he's not even sure where to begin.

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lol, Sabé ships it.
> 
> I'm thinking of writing smut the next chapter if I can make it work. <3
> 
> Also, thank you all again for commenting. I always love hearing what you guys think!


	13. XIII. Balance

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! Sorry for the delayed updates! Life happened and I got behind on all my writing. There are only a few more chapters left on this. I'm sad it's actually so close to ending.

Rey’s eyes flicker open, blinking several times before her vision refocuses. Her memories are a thick fog at first—cloudy little broken fragments of a larger puzzle. Little by little, the pieces fit together. She remembers her communication with Leia. She remembers waking up in a strange state of mind where all her fears seemed to be blocked out of her mind and the way she just didn't seem quite like herself. Rey sits up to see Ben sitting in a chair next to her bed.

 

Her worst fears seem to dig into her skin like invisible claws. The Resistance may not see her as a traitor yet, but soon, they will. She thinks of losing all the emotional relationships she’s forged with the friends she’s made. It would be so easy to blame Ben for it all, but she’s partially to blame. She let him get close to her. She could have denied him for the rest of her life, but she didn’t.

 

“How are you feeling?” he asks.

 

“ _Normal_ ,” Rey says. “I’m not high anymore if that’s what you’re asking.”

 

Rey’s eyes glance down to notice that her gown exposes her naked flesh. She thinks to wrap her arms around her chest in her own sense of modesty, but it doesn’t really matter. He’s already seen her more naked than she is now.

 

A part of her feels trapped between the past and the present. Rey knows that the Resistance cannot win. It’s easy to believe in miracles, but Jakku has also taught her to be realistic. A miracle can’t save the Resistance. It will fall. It’s not a matter of if but when. But, still, she’s afraid to give up, because the Resistance is the only home she’s ever had. Without the Resistance, she feels like that lost girl on Jakku.

 

Rey shifts into the bed so that she’s sitting across from Ben. Her eyes glance at his datapad set neatly on the table next to a full glass of water. Had he really stayed by her side all this time? Rey’s hand shakes as she reaches out to take his hand in hers.

 

“I don’t know what to do.” Rey’s voice trembles. “I just want everyone to stop fighting.”

 

Ben’s hand reaches out to stroke her cheek. She blinks, causing a tear to fall down her cheek. He strokes it away with his thumb. She leans forward and presses her forehead against his chest. She’s so exhausted from war that she just wants it to end. She needs to get through to Leia. It’s the only way that the last of the Resistance will survive. Rey lifts her gaze so that she can look him in the eyes.

 

“We should talk to your mother again,” she pauses, searching for the right words. “Not over a holo, but face to face. Maybe I can get through to her if I can talk to her in person.”

 

“We could try.” His voice is quiet and filled with doubt. Her heart sinks and all she can think to do is crawl onto his lap and curl into his chest. The Resistance will soon be in ashes. All that she’s believed in seems to be slipping away from her. She always imagined a last stand against the First Order would end with her daring them to kill her, but it’s not exactly playing out the way she envisioned it.

 

One arm snakes around her waist and draws her closer to him. She relaxes in his embrace. _So, what now?_ She’ll never be okay with him picking off her friends one by one. Surely, there must be another option.

 

“We have to try,” she keeps her voice even. “If you find a way for the Resistance to surrender, I’ll stay with you. _Forever._ ”

 

He shifts slightly at her words. She’s got his attention now. Rey shifts in his lap so that she’s looking up at him. His brown eyes study her every move as if he’s trying to decode the truth of words through her body language.

 

“I can’t promise you anything,” he says.

 

“I know,” she says. “But, try for me.”

 

“Alright,” his voice is uneven and still filled with doubt.

 

A spark starts to ignite within her. She has a certain power over him that he doesn’t even recognize. She resists the urge to smile at that thought. She leans forward and kisses him on the lips lightly to seal her deal with affection. His hand cups her cheek while the arm around her waist draws her closer to him. She feels herself becoming lost within him, but no, _not yet._

 

Rey withdrawals from him lightly. Her eyes flickering away from his. Somewhere between Hoth and Naboo she had lost herself. She needs time to regain her footing before she can be intimate with him again.

 

Rey’s eyes look out the balcony window at the landscape. She can see the soft blue hue of the sky. Her eyes take in the furnishings of the room—marbles, oaks, and other fancy materials. It’s so beautiful here. _But, why Naboo?_ What is this place to him?

 

“Have you been here before?” she asks and clarifies, “to Naboo I mean?”

 

“My mother took me here once,” he says, his voice is low with a hint of sadness.

 

The unresolved conflict seeps into their bond and Rey is hit with an array of emotions. He was closer to his mother than his father. She gathers as much from the slivers of memories that appear in her mind. What had happened to cause their family to self-destruct the way it did? It wasn’t just Luke. It was a process that must have built over time.

 

Ben draws her in closer to her, holding her close to him. He buries his face into her hair. She hasn’t seen him quite this fragile ever. His emotions stir within their bond. Fragments of his worst fears flit through her mind—Snoke, Luke, but most of all fear of losing her.

 

Rey leans into him. She finds this place of peace within her mind and lets him feed off that energy. For so long, she’s been conflicted. She lived for the ideals of the Resistance, but if the Resistance can’t survive, she has to make the best choices she can so that some of her ideals can survive into the new world.

 

Ben lifts her off of lap and sets her back onto the bed. He brushes her hair from her face and looks into her eyes. “I have to go. I’ll try to come back in a few hours. There’s a communicator on the nightstand if you need anything.”

 

Rey can only respond with a small nod. She lets out a small gasp when he withdraws his hand from her, and she watches him walk away from her. Her eyes drop to the floor and she feels the sharp feeling of loneliness return to her when she hears the door click shut. She notices a fresh robe on her nightstand and gathers it into her arms. She rises from the bed and goes to the refresher and smiles when she sees a spacious room rather than the cramped space she had on the Finalizer.

 

Rey pulls the white nightgown off and lets it drop to the floor so that it pools around her feet. She sets the temperature of the bathwater to her desired temperature—scorching hot—and sits in the tub as the water rises around her. Bits and pieces of her mind start to come back together. It all starts with BB-8 on Jakku, then Finn, then Han & Chewie, and finally Ben in the forest of Takodana. Her memories stretch out until she reaches the memory of Hoth. She can practically feel her heart rate rise at the memory of her body slowly dying in that X-Wing.

 

Back then, she would have never even imagined that Ben would come to rescue her because he is so deeply in love with her. It’s hard for her to believe that she loves him just as much. She’s been in love with them since their hands touched through their bond, but she was never been able to admit it to herself until now. The ideas of the Resistance took precedence to her own personal wants and needs. There was a higher cause— _a higher cause that could never be_. Her heart sinks as she allows that last bit of hope to fall away from her. All this time she’s been fighting for nothing.

 

Rey finishes washing her hair and her skin. She steps out of the bathtub and wraps herself in a velvet black robe. She leaves the refresher and gasps when she sees an unknown woman in her room. She relaxes when she picks up on the elderly woman’s energy and ascertains that she’s not a threat.

 

“I apologize,” the woman says. “I did not mean to bother you, Lady Rey.”

 

 _Lady Rey._ Rey can almost laugh at the use of formalities. She’s just a nobody from Jakku not some uppity woman from Coruscant. “You’re fine, and it’s just Rey. Excuse me if I’m being rude, but who are you?”

 

“My name is Sabé,” she begins. “I used to serve one of Naboo’s Queens many years ago.”

 

“How do you know, Ben?” she asks.

 

“I don’t,” she replies. “But, I did know his grandmother quite well.”

 

Sabé gestures for Rey to sit at a table. Rey is reluctant but takes a seat as Sabé pours her a glass of wine. Sabé sets the glass before her and takes a seat across from her. Rey sips the deep red wine from her glass. The bittersweet taste lingers on her tongue even after swallowing. Rey sets the glass down and eyes the woman across from her. There’s something so calming about her presence.

 

“I’m actually from Jakku,” Rey says merely for conversation more than anything else. “I haven’t seen a lot of Naboo yet, but this room itself is so beautiful. I had ideas of where my life could go even back on Jakku, but I never imagined I’d end up someplace like this. I spent my whole life feeling so _unimportant_ and now everyone looks to me like I’m _something._ I hear what people think sometimes. When I was with the Resistance, I was this symbol of hope, but with the First Order, I’m just the Supreme Leader’s…” Rey pauses and chooses a more tasteful word than the ones she hears in people’s minds, “...concubine. People put so much importance on me. I wish they wouldn’t.”

 

Rey thinks of Finn, Poe, and Rose. They think so highly of her, but _one day_ , they’re all going to find out about what occurred between her and Ben. It’s going to kick her off that huge pedestal they all put her on. Rey takes the glass of wine from the table and nearly drowns herself in it. She sets the glass back down and allows for the alcohol to take over in a light haze.

 

“Don’t think about others' expectations of you, Rey,” Sabé says. “What do you want?”

 

“I…” Rey pauses. “ _don’t know._ Maybe I just want to make the galaxy a little bit better, but now that just seems so impossible.”

 

“It may not be as impossible as it seems.” Sabé’s eyes study her closely. “But, the methods to reach those goals may be different than you originally perceived.”

 

A sudden realization starts to form in her mind. Perhaps, she always knew that this was how it had to be, but she had been fighting it for so long because it just seemed so wrong to her. But, _there is a way_.

 

“I know now what I must do,” Rey says more to herself than to Sabé. “Thank you, Sabé.”

 

Rey rises from her chair and walks out to the balcony. She looks out to the blue sky and draws in a deep breath. There’s only one way she can gain any measure of control over this situation. The Resistance will hate her for it. Her friends may never speak to her again, but it’s the only way to maintain any kind of balance in the galaxy.

 

Rey must marry the Supreme Leader.

  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter I promise smut!


	14. XIV. Surrender

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I return with promised smut and happy times. There's going to be a couple of heartwrenching moments coming soon (nothing too terrible though). So, I created a happy chapter before a few of the mild angst that is to come. I promise that the worst of the angst is over now though. This story will end with a lot of hope for the galaxy.

Ben hadn’t expected for Rey to call for him so soon after leaving her. A sense of worry comes over him. She might have fallen into another panic. He shouldn’t have left her so alone in her emotionally fragile state, but his duties to the First Order also can’t be ignored either. He moves through the large, regal hallways until he reaches Rey’s room. He opens the large oak door to her room and steps inside. Rey stands at the balcony with a lace Naboo gown trailing down past her feet.

 

When she turns to face him, it’s as if she stole the breath from his lungs with just one look. Half her hair is pulled back in braids will the other half touches her shoulders in curls. Her eyes are shadowed with smoky greys and her lips are painted a deep red. She waits for him to close the door behind him before she steps towards him.

 

“Ben…”

 

“Rey…”

 

They both stand in complete silence as if they’re both waiting for the other to speak first. Ben takes a step towards her. Rey takes his hand in hers and places it on her breast. Her gaze locks with his as if she’s trying to pull her towards him with just her eyes. There is a purpose behind this. She’s trying to seduce him because she wants something from him. She's not experienced enough with her sexuality to be coy enough to use her body as a weapon. But, he doesn't care. Whatever she wants from him, he’ll give it to her if he has the power too. All he wants right now is to fuck her until she can’t stand anymore.

 

Ben pushes her backward towards the bed and climbs on top of her. He places both his palms at either side and looks down on her like predator feasting its eyes on its prey. All of his senses are overwhelmed with desire for her. He sits up and pulls the bright red sash from her dress, allowing for it to part open as if it were a robe.

 

A half grin emerges on his face. She could have easily found an escape from the palace without much effort but she chose to stay. A part of him feels like he’s won. Her choosing to stay is like an unspoken surrounded. Truly, he has won.

 

Ben peels off his gloves and tosses them over the side of the bed. He wants to touch every inch of her flesh. His hand trails down her neck and stops at her breast. Their connection hits him in waves. It’s a high more powerful than tapping into the dark side. Ben leans forward and trails kisses down her neck. The sound of her gasping only arouses him more. She brought him here to seduce him, but all her confidence seems to seep away as she lays underneath him. 

 

“ _Ben…_ ”

 

The way she whispers his name in a soft plea sends a jolt through him. Her hands are running through his hair. He’s losing himself to her. _He doesn’t care._ Because, he wants her too much. Because, truly, she is the only thing he wants. Some would call it poor judgment. If Hux were still alive, he might even call it treason. _It doesn’t matter._ The Resistance Jedi is the one he wants. _Rey._ She is the only person he can ever see himself with. It's the only reason she's likely to get what she wants when they're done here.

 

Ben props himself up on his forearm and looks down on her. Rey’s green eyes flicker up to him with such strong yearning but also with a hint of fragileness. Her shaking hand reaches up to him to touch the scarred side of his face. There’s this fear of rejection that he can’t quite understand. Ben leans down and places a soft kiss on her forehead to reassure her. _You know I love you_ , his words seep through their bond. A warm feeling resonates from her at his unspoken words.

 

“I don’t want to lose this,” she whispers. "I don't want to lose  _you_."

 

“You don’t have to,” he reassures.

 

The way their energy builds together, the way that their connection is forged so deep within both of their souls—it’s a bond that’s completely irreplaceable. He can see the moment she extended her arm out to him in that hut. He remembers the way she took that soft breath when their hands touched through their bond for the first time. It can’t be anyone else. It has to be _Rey_.

 

Ben kisses down her stomach. He parts her legs and kisses between her legs. Rey lets out a soft gasp. She murmurs his name as his tongue tastes her. He can feel what this does to her. The way she shivers underneath him and the way she whimpers are tiny little signs, but it’s the energy that he feels in their bond that is truly telling. He looks up at her to see her arms shielding her eyes. Even now, she’s not quite comfortable and still so undeniably shy. The bit of confidence she had when she had invited him in here is lost to her now.

 

The crest breaks. She cries out underneath him. Ben crawls on top of her. Her eyes are turned away from him. He can sense the sliver of heartbreak she’s holding back—that fear of abandonment he knows all too well. She doesn’t truly feel wanted even by him. Even when she’s so angry, even when she’s trying to convince herself he’s a monster, she still feels like he can do better than her. If only he can show her that there isn’t any one person in the galaxy that is _better._ There’s just her. _Only her._

 

“Rey…” he whispers as he tilts her face towards him. “Look at me.”

 

Rey obeys with a slight moment of hesitation. There’s something in her mind she’s holding back—something she wants to ask of him. The fear of rejection cuts through her. It’s as if her entire world will crumble if he denies her. He kisses along collarbone, trying to soothe her fears. He pulls back and fixes her gaze on her eyes.

 

“I won’t leave you,” he promises. He sits up and removes his clothes starting with his coat and ending with undergarments. He shifts her body upwards and shrugs the robe-like dress from her shoulders. Rey presses her palms against his chest. Sharp breaths leave her lips. Her hands push against him lightly as if to motion him to lay down.

 

Ben lays against the soft bedding. He hands grip her waist to guide her. It’s as if she’s light as a mere feather in his hands. Sometimes, he forgets his own strength and how tiny she is in comparison. A sharp breath escapes her as she lowers on top of him. Her walls clench around his hard cock, sending a wave of pleasure through him. He chews the inside of his cheek as he resists the urge to flip her over and fuck her into oblivion. He’ll allow her to have this illusion of power over him if only for a few moments. Her hips rock back and forth against him. Ben rests one hand on her thigh as her pace increases. He allows her that false sense of control just like he had on the Supremacy when the fought side by side. He’ll let her believe in her false sense of power, because it steals away that feeling of abandonment and worthlessness from her. His thumb does circles along her inner thigh before trailing upward. He circles his thumb along her clit, causing a piercing gasp to escape her.

 

Ben uses this opportunity to flip her over on her back. A half giggle-half cry escapes her as she hits the mattress. He grins down upon her as he thrusts deep inside her. He finds that angle that makes her eyes flutter shut and makes her sigh soft little sighs. Her walls clench against him, causing a wave of pleasure to rush through him. His thumb finds her clit again and does circles. She’s so close now. He can feel it. That familiar pressure builds inside him, but he fights against it as he focuses his attention on Rey. She wants to win this, but he won’t let her. Her first. Then, him.

 

It’s as if she’s shattering underneath him. He can feel her mind split through their bond. Only, then, does he allow himself his own release. The way their energy merges together as they both reach their peak clouds his mind in a soft haze. His entire body becomes tense as he lays flat on top of her.

 

It takes him a moment to regain his senses and roll off to his side. There’s this soft reverie where he can pretend that all is right between them. He lays back, palms touching the silken bedding beneath him. He glances over at her. She’s curled into a small ball. He can feel tension and nervousness radiating off of her in waves. He reaches over and touches her arm.

 

“Rey,” he says her name before asking, “What’s wrong?”

 

“Nothing’s wrong.” Rey’s voice is quiet and strained. His fingers curl around her stiff shoulder and guides her to turn around to face him. She’s reluctant at first but turns over so that they are face to face.

 

“Tell me,” he says, “what’s wrong?”

 

Rey’s lips part slightly. Her shaking hand reaches out to brush his hair from his face. Her palm stays on his scarred cheek as her eyes look up to him. She withdrawals her and turns so that her back is facing him. She's trying to block him out in a way to protect herself. She had some sort of plan that she felt so confident about. It's why she called out for him. But now, he can feel all the uncertainty radiating from her. 

 

“Rey—"

 

“I think we should marry.” Her words seem to fall from her lips a bit too fast as if she’s forcing herself to say them.

 

So, that’s what she wanted from him. She didn’t need to dress up and seduce him for it. All she had to do was ask him. Ben pulls her tiny form close to him. He kisses the top of her head and rests his chin where he had just kissed her.

 

"That's what you wanted from me?" he asks. "That's what this _plan_ of yours was all about?"

 

Rey shifts so that she faces him, her lips pressed in this thin line. Her eyes narrow when she snaps, "I wasn't  _planning_ anything!"

 

" _Rey_ ," his tone is half serious-half mocking. "Your intentions were more transparent than glass."

 

"Fuck you!"

 

Ben half-grins. "You just did."

 

She glares up at him defiantly. " _You...!_ Why...! UGH!"

 

Rey turns so that her back now faces him. Ben places her hand on her arm and motions for her to face him once more. She looks up at him with both aggravation and humiliation written all over her. He places a hand on her cheek, stroking it lightly with his thumb. "If marriage is what you wanted, all you had to do was ask me."

 

"That's not all I want," her quivers slightly before she finds the strength within her to continue. “My friends go free—no matter what. _And_ , I’m not just going to be your flimsy little consort. You said you wanted to rule together on the Supremacy. That’s the only way I’m doing this.”

 

Ben looks into her green eyes, seeing that fierce glint he’s all too familiar with. Her words seem to dance in his head as if to dare him to refuse her. Yet, he already knows that he can’t. This is the closest he’s ever gotten to having her.

 

“Alright.” The tone in Ben’s voice is slightly uneven. “ _If we marry_ , your friends go free.”

 

“And, we rule together,” she reminds.

 

“And, we rule together,” he repeats.

 

Rey’s eyes soften as she looks up to him. “Then, I’m yours.”

He has her.  _He finally has her._ He leans forward and seals their deal with a kiss.


	15. XV. Truth

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The story is so close to being over. I’m pretty sure I’ve just got three chapters left at the most. I don’t want it to end. :(

Rey had forgotten what it had felt like to have the freedom to walk wherever she pleased. This is different than the Resistance. This is different than even being on Jakku. There’s this sense of calm because she believes so strongly that this is the end. When General Organa arrives on Naboo today, the war will be over. For so long, Leia has been denied the truth and denied answers. This time she won’t hide the truth about Luke and why Ben turned.

 

Rey steps out in the palace gardens. There’s a certain kind of sweetness in the air of Naboo. It’s nothing like Jakku or any other planet she’s ever been to. A breeze caresses her skin, and Rey instinctively wraps her arms around herself. There’s a feeling of absolution within her. The past has died. It’s almost as if she truly died on Hoth, and she has been reborn into someone new.

 

Leaves rustle, startling her enough to make her turn on her feet. She swears she hears her name being whispered. Rey takes two tentative steps forward and asks, “Who’s there?”

 

Warmth spreads in her heart when Finn steps out of the bushes, but is quickly replaced with a feeling of dread. It’s too dangerous for him to be here. If the First Order were to find him here, they’d have him imprisoned at best, _but at the worst…_

 

Finn approaches her and places his hands on her shoulders before drawing her in a tight embrace. Rey is stiff at first out of worry but soon relaxes into his embrace. They stay like that for a few moments before Finn pulls away.

 

“We need to leave,” Finn says. “There isn’t much time.”

 

“ _Leave…?_ ” Rey says.

 

“The _peace talks_ with Kylo Ren were meant as a diversion,” Finn explains. “General Organa sent me here to rescue you.”

 

“Finn,” Rey pauses, trying desperately to find words to explain everything. She’s at a complete loss for words and all she can do is retreat to a bench and sit down. Rey lets out a deep breath. She manages to look up at Finn. There’s still a spark of hope in his eyes, and when she sees it dissolve from his eyes, her entire world feels as if it’s shattering.

 

“You’re not going to leave, are you?” Finn’s voice cracks as he speaks.

 

“The Resistance can’t win, Finn,” Rey says. “I’ve been able to negotiate with Kylo Ren to spare you, Poe, Rose…”

 

“Negotiate…?” Finn’s eyes flash with anger. “Are you on his side now?”

 

“It’s not that simple,” Rey says. “It’s hard to explain. All I can really say is that the Resistance doesn’t have the means to win this war. To continue to fight would be suicide. Kylo Ren—“

 

“ _Kylo Ren_ tried to murder me!” Finn shouts. Rey instinctively looks around, hoping to the Force that no one has heard him. “He tried to murder you on Starkiller Base. He killed Han. Or have you forgotten?”

 

“I haven’t forgotten,” Rey manages to say barely above a mere whisper.

 

“Then, leave,” Finn says. “Even if you think the Resistance is done for, leave with me. Rey, I meant to tell you something on Hoth, but didn’t come back. _Rey…”_

 

 _Don’t say it_ is all she can think, because she already knows what he’s going to say.

 

“Rey, I love you,” Finn says. “I have since we first met.”

 

It’s too much for her to process. How is she going to explain how she negotiated the end of the war? Finn, her first friend—it’s going to destroy him to know that she’s already promised herself to the Supreme Leader of the First Order.

 

“ _I…_ ” she says. “It can’t work between us. I’m sorry. I…”

 

There’s this flicker of sudden understanding in his eyes and all hope drains from his face. “ _No_...Rey. Please don’t tell me. Not him. Please tell me I’m wrong.”

 

She can’t even give him an answer. Her face turns away from him. She finds all the strength left in her and says, “When I crashed, my communication systems went down. Something happened on Starkiller Base that merged our minds. I can communicate him through the Force no matter where I am in galaxy. I was going to die. I didn’t have any other option to surrender. He saved my life. I don’t know how to explain it, but I started to grow closer to him.”

 

“You don’t have to explain anything,” Finn says. “Do whatever you want, Rey. I’m gone.”

 

“Finn,” she calls out to him. “ _Finn, wait!”_

 

Finn doesn’t stop. He just walks until he disappears into the gardens. Rey sits on the bench for what feels like an eternity. She _feels_ something. It’s an energy that feels so familiar. She lifts her gaze and she nearly dies of shock when she sees a translucent figure before her. _Luke Skywalker._

 

“ _Luke…”_  Rey manages to utter his name before she frowns to herself. “I guess you came here to yell at me too. Go ahead. I probably deserve it.”

 

Luke smiles at her and laughs. He walks to the bench and sits next to her. Rey can feel a warmth radiate from his presence next to her. “I assumed something like this would eventually happen when I caught you two together on Ahch-To. I still have my reservations about you two, _but_ I also understand this may be the only way for the galaxy to find peace. Rey, I’ve been watching over you. You had some hard choices. Most people would make the same choice in your position.”

 

Rey thinks of her personal truth that she has yet to give Leia. In the presence of Luke Skywalker, she almost convinces herself to withhold the truth entirely. _But…_

 

“I have to tell Leia the truth about what happened with you and Ben,” the words fall out of her mouth so quickly. “She deserves to know.”

 

“The truth may be the only way to end this,” Luke’s voice is heavy with guilt.

 

There is a pause between them. Rey’s fingers curl around the edge of the bench. Her eyes are on the grass beneath her feet. Her jaw clenches as she envisions how Leia will react to the truth. A cold feeling comes over her. She looks over her shoulder, but Luke is gone. Her heart sinks. She wishes she could hide in this garden forever, but she knows that cannot be. Time will move forward and choices will have to be made.

 

Rey rises to her feet. She walks back towards the palace. When she steps inside the palace, a feeling of absolution comes over her. Finn might be gone forever along with the rest of her friends in the Resistance. If she were alone, she might draw in a deep breath or show anguish on her features. But, all eyes are on her now. She’s about to ascend to power. She can no longer show weakness. She must always appear strong in the public eye.

 

Ben is walking toward her. Rey’s lips part as if to say something, but when she looks into his eyes, she senses conflict. “My mother has asked to speak with you first.”

 

All Rey can do is nod. She keeps her distance, closing off their bond enough to hide her emotions. She can’t let him see what exactly she plans to tell Leia. He might try to stop her from speaking of his most vulnerable moment. _But, she deserves to know._ If the galaxy is to start anew—if the terms of surrender are ever going to be signed—Rey knows that she has to speak the truth that’s been buried for far too long now.

 

Rey follows Ben up a long flight of stairs. _Maybe they’ll stay here._ Rey hopes that might come to be. She likes it here on Naboo. She follows Ben down a series of halls until they reach a door. Rey turns to face Ben. He touches her arm lightly and soothing energy passes between them.

 

“I can’t promise the Resistance will surrender,” she says. “But, I’m willing to try if it will end the war.”

 

Rey looks up into his brown eyes. She’s seen the good in him. He can be merciful when he wants to be. He did come to her rescue on Hoth after all. His hand lowers down her arm and lingers before he withdrawals.

 

“She’ll surrender,” he reassures.

 

“You sound so sure,” Rey says. “Last time—“

 

“It’s different this time,” Ben says. “I can sense it in the Force.”

 

A flicker of sadness comes over him. _He’s hiding something from her._ Whatever this _something_ is, he’s blocked her from seeing it. Rey takes one final deep breath and steps into the room.

 

Her eyes meet Leia’s and she could almost cry just seeing her face to face again. Rey holds back her tears. _Something is wrong._ She feels it in her life force. _She’s…_

 

“I’m dying, Rey,” Leia says.

 

“I know.” Rey’s voice is just above a whisper. “I felt it in the Force just now.”

 

Rey steps towards the table and sits across from Leia. She manages a bleak smile and says, “I wondered if I’d ever see you again.”

 

“I was afraid for you,” Leia says. “I know he’s my son. I wanted to have more faith, but I was afraid he’d hurt you.”

 

“He hasn’t,” Rey reassures. “Leia—“

 

Her breath catches in her throat. When she meets Leia’s eyes, suddenly she’s lost the nerve to tell her about Luke. _But, she must._

 

“Leia…” Rey pauses and finds that last bit of strength within her. “There’s something you must know.”

 

“It’s about Ben,” Leia says. “I already know you two are—well, I know the things have happened between you too. I will leave it a that.”

 

“No,” Rey shakes her head. “I mean, yes, you’re right about it. But, that’s not what I came here to tell you. Your brother— _he…_ ”

 

Rey chokes back a sob. An confused look crosses Leia’s face. Rey manages to look her directly in her eyes. Tears sting her eyes, but she does not let these tears fall. “Luke was afraid of Snoke’s influence on Ben, _and._..he thought that he could change that by _killing him.”_

 

Anger flashes in Leia’s eyes. “Ben has been telling lies, I see.”

 

“ _No,”_ Rey insists. “Luke confessed this to me when I was training with him.”

 

“And, you kept this from me?” Leia rises as her voice becomes hard as iron. “For six months.”

 

“I wanted to tell you, but—“

 

“You thought I couldn’t handle the truth?” Leia’s words cut into her. “This whole time I thought I was the one that failed…”

 

“Luke didn’t mean to kill him,” Rey manages to say. “He stopped himself, but it was already too late. Ben thought he meant to kill him and reacted.”

 

Leia nearly collapses down into her chair. She lets out an exhausted sigh. “I had sent Finn to rescue you. I thought maybe you would take over the Resistance in my place. I had hoped my informants were incorrect—that you weren’t _involved_ with my son the way that they had told me you were. I suppose I was naive to hope differently.”

 

“I’m sorry,” is all Rey can manage to say.

 

Leia’s eyes flicker to her. “Thank you for telling me the truth. On my deathbed, _at the very least_ , I don’t have to blame myself anymore.”

 

“Nothing was your fault or Han’s.”

 

Leia smiles at the name _Han._ “I look forward to seeing _him_ again—Han,” Leia pauses for a moment as if to savor the thought of her deceased husband before speaking once more. “ _Rey,_ you’ve made a choice. There’s no going back on it now.”

 

“I know,” Rey whispers.

 

“All I ask is that you try to find a way to do what’s best for the galaxy,” Leia’s eyes are fierce as they look to her. “Try to find the good that’s left in my son. That is all I can hope for at this point. Now, please, let me speak with my son.”

 

Rey nods and rises to her feet. She steps towards the door and looks over her shoulder to get one last look at Leia before she exits the room. The doors swish open allowing for Rey to step outside. She forces herself to look up at Ben. She imagines that he’ll be angry with her once he discovers she told the truth. _It doesn’t matter._ After all that she’s been through, Leia Organa deserves nothing but the truth.

 

“Your mother wishes to speak to you.” It’s all that she can manage to say.

 

Ben acknowledges her with a small nod before stepping inside the room. The door swishes shut behind him, leaving her outside with just her thoughts. Rey releases a deep breath and crosses her arms over her chest. She bites her lower lip as her gaze tilts to the elegantly tiled floor. Ben will be angry, but at least, Leia knows the truth now.

 


	16. XVI.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So, this chapter is shorter then most, because it's more of a continuation of the last chapter than it is a whole new event in the story entirely. Next chapter is a Reylo wedding, and I think after that will be an epilogue of sorts. Wow. I cannot believe I'm this close to the end. Going in, I wasn't even sure I'd be able to finish, but here we are one chapter and an epilogue away.

The first thing he senses when he enters the room is a fading spark. Ben’s eyes flicker to his mother. They’ve been on opposing sides of this war for so long, but when he feels her fading life force, he’s filled with an overwhelming sense of dread and regret. His mother is dying. It might be the only reason she’s decided to enter negotiations with the First Order. The power vacuum she'll leave behind might cause the Resistance to fall in on itself. The reckless Resistance pilot flickers through her mind. She had thought for him to maybe take her place, but she also has her reservations. Then, there's Rey. Rey was the one she was preparing to take her place before Hoth, and now, she's recognized that her previous plans will never come to be.

 

“I’m dying, Ben.” A grave look crosses her face as she looks to him. “When I die, the Resistance dies with me. The person I selected as my predecessor in the event that I die has decided to join you. I won’t pretend to even begin to understand _why_ , but Rey has seemed to have pledged her allegiance to you.”

 

Ben steps forward and sits across from his mother. There’s a deafening silence between them that holds for what feels like forever. Leia’s eyes flicker up to him.

 

“So, what do you plan to do with her?” Leia asks.

 

“Why does it matter?” Ben asks.

 

“Because, I care about her,” she answers. “I want to know that when I die that she is well cared for.”

 

“She will be.”

 

“I hope so for her sake.” Leia leans back in the chair and crosses her arms. Her eyes seem to pin him down. He knows that _no bullshit_ look all to well. “Are you going to tell me about what happened with Luke?”

 

This he did not expect even in the slightest. “Luke Skywalker is dead.”

 

“I’m well aware.” Leia's tone is clipped. “That’s not the point of this discussion.”

 

Ben lets out a deep sigh as a realization comes over him. “Rey told you.”

 

“So, it’s true? My brother  _did_ tried to harm you?”

 

There’s a silence that passes. He’s not sure how exactly he can explain it, but when their eyes meet, she has this sudden understanding that passes over her.

 

“I don’t believe it.” There’s a lilt of sarcasm in her voice that blends with her hot anger. “I suppose there’s nothing I can do about it until I die.”

 

Ben looks into his mother’s eyes. Even after all this time he’s looking to her for some kind of approval. “I’ve chosen Rey to be my wife.”

 

“If you’re looking for my approval, I suppose you have it,” she says. “If you never—if things were different that is, your father and I would be happy to have her as our daughter by law.”

 

 _Different._ The word sticks in his mind. _Different_ as in if he never turned to the dark side. There are times he wonders what could have been had he not awoken to Luke’s lightsaber glowing above him.

 

“With Rey by your side, there may be hope for the galaxy yet,” Leia finally says. “With that in mind, I will sign your terms of surrender if I feel that they are fair and just.”

 

Leia rises from the table. She walks to the door and looks back at him. There’s this stern look in her eyes that he recognizes from his childhood. “When you have children of your own, I just hope to the Force that they don’t treat you the way you treated your father.”

 

And with those final words, she leaves him alone. It takes him a moment to actually move. He places his palms against the steel table. He’s not sure how he originally imagined this conversation would go, but this is not what he expected. It almost feels as if he has to force himself to his feet. He rises to his full height and walks to the door. When he exits the room, Rey is waiting for him dutifully. In her eyes, he sees the beginning of everything he’s ever wanted.

 

“She means to write my marriage to you in her terms of surrender,” Rey says.

 

“She means to spare your reputation,” Ben explains. “It will make it appear as if our marriage was an agreement made by her rather then make you appear as a traitor.”

 

Rey frowns. “I see.”

 

 _Am I traitor?_ She asks him though their bond. Her eyes look up to him and he can feel her guilt pool into his heart is if it were his own guilt. Ben places his arm around her waist and guides her down the hallway. This is how they will appear before their people now—side by side with his arm around her.

 

They walk in silence until they reach their room. Ben leads Rey inside and when the doors shut behind them, silence hangs over them like a dark cloud. He senses the conflict, the guilt, and every dark emotion that simmers within her.

 

“Rey…”

 

Rey turns on her feet to face him directly. She no longer has the guidance of Han Solo, Leia Organa, or Luke Skywalker. All she has is him and the guidance he will provide for her as her husband. Rey looks up to him for some sort of answer to _everything._ She steps towards him and rests her forehead against his chest as if she’s trying to hide herself from the world.

 

“I don’t regret it,” Rey says. “I want to be with you. I just wish I didn’t feel so terrible. _Am I a traitor?”_

 

A sliver of an image slips from her mind to his. Her overwhelming guilt drops her guards and allows a memory to fall away from her. He sees it—her in the palace gardens with the traitor. He sees her rejection of him and the words exchanged between them. Ben shouldn’t feel so much pride and satisfaction that she chose him over her traitorous friend. He fights back the grin that nearly twists on his face.

 

Ben wraps his arms around her waist and draws her closer to him. One hand reaches up to cradle the back of her head. “Rey—when this is all over, you will come to realize that you made the right choice.”

 

Her hands dig into the cloth of his coat. She clings to him as if he’s her last life line. “I just don’t want to be alone.”

 

“You’ll never be alone again—not with me,” he reassures her.

 

Rey looks up to him. Her green eyes look to him and she’s released the last block in her mind. He sees the moment she first truly fell for him right before his hand touched hers through their bond. He feels the hope she felt when he chose her over Snoke. He feels the pain she felt when he chose power over her.

 

Then, there were months and months before they reunited where she hid how she felt—hid her feelings from herself even. He sees the time she paced back and forth in her room alone, debating whether she should open their bond again. He sees all the times she was alone at night, trying so desperately to deny it all. And, she hated herself so much for it—hated herself for wanting him, because deep down she recognized her true feelings even when they were on the opposite ends of the galaxy.

 

Rey buries her face back into his coat. She nudges closer to him. She stays like that for mere moments before she looks up to him once more. He leans forward and places his lips against hers. His arms tighten around her waist. Within days, she’ll finally be his empress. In days, nothing will ever be able to separate them again.


	17. XVII. Hope

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is it, the final chapter. Here we go.

The entire day week has been overwhelming. Her sheltered existence on Jakku had her so poorly prepared for a wedding ceremony. She never imagined that she’d ever find someone to marry. She never could have dreamed how much a couple could put into a marriage. Everything is so grand and luxurious. It’s like she stepped into a dream. The preparations alone were so overwhelming to her. Nothing in the galaxy could have ever prepared her for such an event.

 

And yet, she’s not exactly excited for her wedding as she imagined she would be. There’s this deep feeling of longing for her friends in the Resistance that weighs on her heart. She loves Ben. She’s ready to take him as her husband. But, she still wishes she could be with among her friends. It’s a cruel give and take. She will marry the person she loves but at the loss of people she cares for.

 

“Rey…”

 

She flinches at the feminine voice that sounds too familiar. She turns from wear she stands to see Rose Tico in her room. Rose—the last person she would expect—has come to see her on her wedding day.

 

“Rose?” Rey has to question it for it to truly be real for her. “Why are you here?”

 

“I asked Leia if I could be here,” Rose answers.

 

“But, why?”

 

“I won’t lie that I disagree with this, but maybe…” she pauses. “Well, maybe if you’re leading with Kylo Ren things won’t be so bad in the future with the First Order. That and I didn’t want you to be alone.”

 

“How is Finn?” It’s all she can manage to ask.

 

“He...didn’t want to be here,” Rose’s tone lilts with a hint of sadness. A small smile emerges on her face. “I finally told him how I felt about him, Rey. I didn’t think I had a chance, but he said that he wanted me to come along with him now that the Resistance is done. It’s a start.”

 

There’s a soft glint in her eyes, and for a moment, it’s as if she’s disappeared into her own head.

 

“I’m happy for you.” Every word is sincere, and yet, Rey feels a tinge of guilt. Rose wasn’t Finn’s first choice. Rey supposes none of that matters anymore. She forces a smile as she looks to Rose, trying her best to conceal her own conflicted feelings within the confines of her own heart.

 

Rose approaches her and places her hands on Rey’s shoulders. There’s a hopeful look in her eyes. “Rey—I need you to know that I still believe in you. I know you agreed to this marriage alliance to end a lot of suffering. I know that today is daunting and you might feel alone in the world. _But, Rey_ —I support you and I know you will make the galaxy a better place.”

 

It’s hard not to smile when she looks down at the hope in all of Rose’s features. Rose Tico was the one that came to see her after everything. Rey would have never expected it.

 

Rose’s smile falters as her eyes drop to the floor. “I’m just so glad you’re still alive. When you went missing, I thought you might have died so alone out there like my sister had.”

 

Rose’s fingers snap to her necklace. She curls her fingers around the necklace and holds it tightly. “I’m just glad you’re safe.”

 

Rey draws Rose into a tight embrace. She holds back the tears that threaten to fall, but she mustn’t mess up her makeup for the third time today. So, she settles on drawing in a deep staggered breath. If Rose can be by her side, maybe one day Finn will be able to forgive her.

 

Rey loosens her hold on Rose. Rose steps back and eyes her dress from head to toe. “All white? I suppose I should have suspected as much.”

 

Rey’s eyes glance down at the beads and white crystals sewn into her gown. It’s probably the most expensive piece of clothing she’s ever worn. She can’t even believe any of this is real. Not even a year ago she was a nobody wasting away on Jakku.

 

There’s a ringing sound at her door. Rey’s heart feels heavy. It must be Leia. She parts from Rose and walks towards the door, each step feeling heavy as led. She opens the door and sees Leia Organa at the other side.

 

 _This is it, then?_ She’s really going to marry him. Rey stands before Ben Solo’s mother, face to face. There’s no going back now. Rey’s nails dig into her palms as tension runs through her. She forces herself to look into Leia’s eyes. There’s still a fleck of guilt that flutters in her heart but Rey forces it to the back of her mind.

 

“You’ve made your choice,” Leia speaks as if she can see right through her. “The terms of surrender have been signed. There’s no going back now.”

 

“I know,” Rey manages to say in a hushed tone.

 

“You can regret this for the rest of your life or you can move forward and do the best you can in your new position,” Leia says. “The only choice you really have is to live with your choices and make the most of them.”

 

Rey can only manage to nod in acknowledgement. She crosses through the doorway and allows Leia to take her arm in hers. They walk side by side in silence. Rey glances at Leia from time to time, trying her best to read her. She’s not sure what she even say or even how she feels.

 

A part of her thinks that she should feel more guilty, but deep down, she _doesn’t._ Rey _does_ feel like she let down a lot of people that put their faith in her, but realistically, she accepts that this was the best the Resistance could hope for. Ben had showed her the data stored on the computer in the Finalizer. The Resistance would have been hunted down and been wiped from the galaxy. _This_ was the only choice that could have been made.

 

Walking through the empty hall with Leia by her side has this ominous sense to it almost. Yet, there is also a finality to it all. Jakku wasn’t even a standard year ago. Rey’s head feels so light at the thought of it all. It’s like a dark dream that she cannot wake up from.

 

Rey can hear the heavy music pouring out from the doors straight ahead of her. It pulls her back to reality. This is her life now. A nobody such as herself is going to marry the Supreme Leader of the First Order. So many people struggling in poverty in Jakku would jump at the chance of it without feeling quite as conflicted as she does.

 

 _Jakku_ —she’s thought about her home planet a lot lately. Perhaps that’s the first place that she can change for the better. The weight on her heart starts to ease a bit. _She can change things for the better._ Even with the Resistance at full surrender, she can still manage to find a sliver of hope for the galaxy.

 

Rey crosses through the doors. She forces her eyes forward, trying not to look upon all the First Order officers standing to witness her wedding. None of these people she truly knows. Rey had never imagined that she would ever be married, but in the event that she did, she had always imagined that people she knew and cared for would attend. She allows herself to look among the faces of the people gathered in the room. None of them are faces of people she knows.

 

She finally feels more at ease when Leia leads her up a small flight of stairs till she’s next to Ben. Leia steps aside, leaving her by Ben’s side. She can feel his energy and instantly she feels all of her fears fade.

 

Rey faces him. She straightens her shoulders and does her best to look comfortable. _Don’t be afraid,_ his voice soothes her through their bond. Rey allows herself to relax in his presence. Her heart seems to skip and she remembers why she chose this. This wasn’t just a tactical surrender. She chose this because she wants to marry Ben Solo. _Because she loves him._

 

Ben extends his hand out to hers. Rey places her hand on top of his. She reaches out to his freehand so that she can cling to both of his hands. When both of their hands are intertwined together, she finally has clarity and all her conflicted feelings seem to fade from her. She can hear words being cited by a man in an extravagant gown. _We are gathered here today to bear witness to_ are the only words that register before she slips away with into a state of consciousness where all that exists is her and Ben.

 

 _I love you._ Rey eyes flash up to his as she sends her silent message to him. His hand tighten around hers. Rey’s eyes fall to the floor. She takes in a small breath as she plants her feet firmly to the floor. A wave of nervousness that’s caught between the reeling feeling of sheer disbelief seems to take over. Her hands tighten around Ben’s. She forces herself back to reality.

 

“...with this union marks the end of a galaxy at war and the beginning of a new era.”

 

Ben releases her right hand and leans down, sealing the marriage with a kiss. Time seems to do a soft pause. It’s as if everything around her seems to dissolve, leaving her with just Ben. She wraps both her arms around him and leans into the kiss, all thoughts of war and betrayal far from her mind. When Ben pulls away from her, she swears she sees the faintest of smiles flash for just a moment.

 

 _I love you._ She hears the words in her mind like an unspoken vow. Rey eyes flutter shut and a small smile forms on her lips for only a second. Deep down, she knows this is what she truly wants.

 

Ben takes her hand in his and turns with her to face the crowd. He raises their arms to the sound of thunderous applause. Rey eyes Leia who looks at her with a stern glance. Her applause is more reserved than the rest of the people in the room. This is clearly not how she wanted the war to end.

 

Ben leads her down the flight of stairs with his arm around her. She sees all eyes on her now. People that once looked at her with scorn now bow their heads to honor her. The people of the First Order who once looked to her as an enemy now see her as a leader.

 

It isn’t until they are outside the doors until Ben drops his leadership facade. He lifts Rey into his arms. She does her best to stifle her surprise but a soft playful cry echoes through the halls regardless. A hazy memory comes over her. She remembers falling into the arms of a masked man. _The day they met._ Rey leans her head into Ben’s chest. She shouldn’t feel as safe as she does around him. She shouldn’t feel anything for him at all.

 

 _But, she loves him._ Rey would have never agreed to this if she wasn’t so hopelessly in love with Ben. She allows a feeling of calm to pass through her as her new place in the galaxy sinks in. She had imagined that she would feel defeated upon her the surrender of the Resistance, but instead all she can feel is hope. Rey relaxes into Ben’s arms. The Resistance has fallen, but she within her are her ideals. The Resistance’s surrender will only usher in a new beginning, and the galaxy once again has found peace.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I thought I was going to write an epilogue but nothing substantial came to mind. So, you’re welcome to come up with your own ideas on what happens after this. In my mind, I see galactic peace and Reylo babies. Anyways, wow. What a journey. This is the first time I’ve ever finished a fanfic. So, I got to take a step back for a moment.
> 
> I’m not sure what I’m doing next. I’ll probably pick up my American Horror Story WIP and also probably work on a Jon Snow and Sansa Stark fic with another writer I’ve been bouncing ideas with (please don’t hate me for being a Jonsa shipper, lol). 
> 
> I hope I can come back and look at this after IX and see some similarities to the film rather than just look back on this with a lot of heartbreak. I really, really got to thank all of you for commenting, subscribing, leaving kudos, and bookmarking this fic. All of your comments really kept me going. The readers really are what I do this for. Hearing from all of you always makes me so happy. Thank you again!


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